I’ve got another neuropsych exam coming up on Tuesday. It’s a “short” one – from 10-3. My NP doesn’t want to wear me out — they say that after a certain point, they’re not testing me, they’re testing a tired person, and that’s not accurate. I can see that.
Anyway, it will be interesting to see what they find. I think my memory has all but gone to hell, in the past year especially. I think I’ve been so maxed out, I’ve lost ground. Or maybe I haven’t. It will be interesting to see what tests they pull out, this time. I’ve been thinking back to the last time, sorta-kinda cheating in the back of my mind by trying to remember how I did some of them. Some of the tests, I know how to do “right”.
But if I do them “right” then I won’t be accurately tested. So, it’s a toss-up between feeling good about myself and getting crappy test results.
I have to admit I’m a little nervous about this. I need to make sure I get enough sleep, ahead of time. I’m pretty wiped out from the past week’s drama, but I’m hoping I can catch up this weekend.
Looking back on the past several years, I can see ways I’ve made incredible progress. At the same time, I really wonder about whether I’m declining in some ways — memory, energy, motivation… I just don’t have the same sparky drive I used to have. Maybe I’m just getting older, but I don’t feel like my old self, that’s for sure. Maybe I’m getting used to it, so I don’t fight it anymore. Maybe I’ve given up on some things, too, deciding that I’d rather just acclimate to a crappy memory than struggle to build it back up.