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Workout out isn't quite... working.

Posted May 15 2010 5:21pm
I've hit the gym with all of my old enthusiasm. Finally decided to avoid wheat even though my allergy is only "mild". But heck, figured it would help my body's digestive processes and the weight lose thing. So I'm all in on that one. Same with healthy eating in general, really rockin' that business out and whatnot.

After a week of shirt drenching sweat, guess what? Nothing. Nothing at all. No differences in weight or volume. Edit: increase in volume. I'm pissed and disheartened. It usually isn't like this the first couple weeks of working out, this is when the most drastic weight loss occurs due to release of excess water weight. What the frick, man.

I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday because I am a jackass. I've been tired after work, stressed, and not sleeping well so I haven't messed with that. I have every intention of going to the gym tomorrow though, whether I feel like it or not. Period.

The job I did at work was never an officially sanctioned "job", it was a hodge-podge of things regarding financials, customer orders, vendors, distribution centers, the all beloved customer contact, etc. It was the perfect non-job job for me. The hours were consistent, my sched was flexible for doctor appointments and days when I was just plain running late, etc. My desk was tucked away from people for the most part so I wasn't distracted or feeling anxious being around others or by others looking at me. I worked at my own pace and under nobody's direction but my own. I am a hard worker, motivated and thorough, so slacking never was an issue. Sure there were the moments of painting my nails and texting on my phone, but for heaven's sake, the amount of ass that I kicked when I was "in gear" far outweighed my nail painting and whatnot.

Since people suck, they complained about my job (they didn't think I did anything because they are too ignorant to know that the things I did even needed to be done, and too weak to bother coming over and spending half a day with me watching what I did). They whined I was being treated with favoritism (not true, and not my fault I am smarter than them and work harder/better than them), didn't have a real job, didn't do anything, etc. Regional HR received these complaints and viola, I was no longer allowed to do what I did and was moved to a department.

Being that I know all things admin related (seriously, I'm not being cocky by saying this, every single person in that store comes to me with questions, and I have answers, which is fine, but a bit annoying when the leading management team has their heads stuck in their asses and needs to ask little ole me how to do shit) I was placed at the customer service desk.  Oh the joys. First, I don't really like having that many customers straight up in my face the whole time. Whatever. Second, the current "team" they have up there, well, for the most part, they are flaming idiots. Again, I am not being harsh. There are some truly special stories I have from my brief encounters with them before. Moving on.

Working service desk sucks in of itself, but there are a few factors that make it a bit disastrous for my mental health
1. My schedule is at the mercy of the department manager (who doesn't like me, funny how that happens when people are intimidated or threatened by you). Typically, these schedules (disregarding any personal bias the manager may have) are random, the shifts range from 6a-3p to 2p-11p. All over the map. Hello instability. The lack of consistency is rough on me.

2. I have to ask the head cashier to go pee because I can't leave the service desk unattended and they have to find someone to take my place. Feels a little like prison.

3. My 15 minute breaks and my lunches are scheduled and decided for me. No flexibility, no self determination. I am at the mercy of these ridiculous power-tripping girls (some older women) with terribly petty attitudes. I feel like I am being smothered. Working the front end is why I quit the company a few years back. It literally drove me nuts.

4. I work with idiots. While I am thankful for my brain and previous experiences within the company, it makes it harder for me in the end because those around me don't know, and I fill in for their deficiencies. In some ways it is slightly amusing when the silly girls act like bad-asses and later in the day have to come to me with questions. I mildly enjoy watching someone with their tail between their legs who was just an asshole a couple of hours ago. Overall, being the babysitter and helper for everyone is a pain in the ass. Working harder and faster than everyone is a pain in the ass.

In sum, the schedule lacks any element of consistency, the time spent working is at the discretion of others (fully equipped with attitudes), and it can be a hectic fast paced environment (exacerbated by others not knowing what's up). All of this adds up to... stress. And we all know how great that is for my brain. Fanfuckingtastic. In many ways, I think dealing with rude co-workers (especially the head-cashiers) is the hardest part for me. That and the total loss of all autonomy. I need my autonomy!!! Well, the lack of consistency is also shitty. So I'm thinking it's a little bit of everything that sucks with this. Yes. It kinda sucks ass.

The other things, self-loathing alternating with self-love fifteen times a day (and ultimately settling on the loathing due to my physical size and feelings like crap about so many other things...

Fuck this. Now I'm pissed and don't feel like trying to explain why I hate the things I hate. Fuck it.

I will write more later.

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