I really need to get this out. Two years ago, I went through a bad spot in my journey with this prison-like disease. I did not have but a few days left of sick leave. I had to work. One of the symptoms of those with bipolar is shopping. You know, buying useless stuff you don’t need, for know reason except it makes you happy-for a moment. I had bills and I needed to pay them. I also needed to have a semblance of a career. My desire is to live with my disease to the best of my ability. Sometimes that ability is small and other times it is vast. During this year-long travel with rapid-cycling, I found myself in a corner. I had wrecked some relationships at work. They (my fellow employees) were either frustrated with me or me them.

When the episodes first began, I had lots of energy and little tolerance for anyone who did not move at my speed. Then came the depression. I could hardly get out of bed. Working with all the massive energy was a big thing of the past. Everyone hurt my feelings. Every little thing made me teary. I think I got labeled as “unstable.”

I got overlooked for special assignments and leadership roles. Why want me to lead a group of people when I could not lead myself to put my shoes on? I understood and honestly was relieved.

Now, fast forward to now of my having a length of stability. Enjoying for the first time since diagnosis a correct level of medication, has made my personal and physical life worth continuing through.

My professional life is hanging together. I just want more. Not the I am hyper manic, but the I really feel balanced and want my career to progress more.

I need a plan. I am compiling a strategy. Any help would be appreciated.