I was complaining all over Twitter about wanting to make the world shut up so I could crash. Nope. Sorry. This post just has to be written.
I’ve been feeling a bit sick lately. Nothing that’s really knocking me out. I’m just tired all the time. A lot of I’ve even been running a on a couple occasions. It wasn’t that high though. I’ve also been getting these at night and intermittent
Harvard’s been busy with a lot of changes. It’s amazingthat she’s been seizure free since the beginning of August! However, the damn moods!
10 days ago, she dropped a huge Topamax bomb on her brain because the Lamictal increases weren’t working. Bomb? Can’t suffer in manic hell because that’s a part of this post!!! The moods desperately needed a massive counter attack!!! They were part of keeping me in this cycle!!!
I am now, (going to stop drinking!
I was looking in my journal the other day (which I had stopped writing in altogether–that tells you something) and I was astonished. Day after day after day…I had no clue. It can’t be social either. Abstinence.
I remember I made it between 30-45 days or something, quite a while ago, months ago. That felt pretty good. Longest period in my entire life.
Oh! I almost forgot the part about being sick! The and the The and intermittent too. I’m (presumably) going through alcohol withdrawal. Those are all on the list.
It all makes sense medically. Alcohol lowers your GABA and glutamate. It doesn’t matter when you stop, or how much you drink. Then your brain needs to readjust those two neurotransmitters of this one and that one. Establish equilibrium.
Well, how do like me now! With all the med changes, higher levels, the big “Harvard Bomb” 10 days ago. Irrelevant, but I haven’t had a drink in two days. My brain has now become a book where all the pages are black.
Apart from the medical, I’m not physically addicted. It’s all about the psychological. So ANYof my diagnoses can make me run straight for the bottle! That’s tough. Since I’ve got so many diagnoses! *rolls eyes*
Now, Harvard gets to treat this as well! *laughing* Two Diazepam daily (actual prescription is such prn.) Ibuprophen for fevers and headaches. Gravol for nausea. Fatigue? Nothing I can do about that one!