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Why Am I Crying - No Anger

Posted Aug 07 2009 7:17pm
Yes, I'm on Bipolar medicine, but I thought it was to keep you from depression. I actually don't know what it is, but lately I've been crying. I cry for my mom, my dad, me and what's going on in my life. I keep hearing my parents bragging about my younger brother getting this great job. Here I am living with them taking care of them and working on my eBay. I feel like I'm not doing enough. My brother has always been the baby and favorite. I've been the oldest, black sheep, and bum. It doesn't matter that I quit my job to move in with my folks when they needed me. My brother told me "Your living with them FREE!" That hurt my feelings terribly.

With bipolar you can get off track on what your doing easily like this conversation. Sorry. Why am I crying? Do I feel like I'm not getting the support or love that I feel like I need. I'm doing my best to make money. I work hard at my eBay and I work contract jobs. I can't hold down a full time job, although it would make everyone happy. It doesn't matter if I'm in pain, freaking out or about to lose a cell in my brain. It just doesn't matter any more for me. I'm just alone with no one to understand me.

I've been wanting to go to Wilmington, NC to be with my son. Get away from all this mess and let my brother take care of them for a change. This may be all a repeat but it's something that makes me angry all the time. I use to not cry I would just drink and smoke cigarettes all night so I wouldn't think about anything. Now I don't do that. I have nothing to make those feelings go away. So I cry.


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