It’s raining here. Actually, it’s been raining for two days straight, with no end in sight. I just take it in stride, thinking that we need this rain, because it’s been really hot and dry lately.
But I remember when my attitude wasn’t this positive. I remember when things like a rainy day would either set me off into depression or add to or deepen my already depressed state of mind.
If you’d have asked me why I was depressed at that time, I would have answered, “I don’t know.” Because I really didn’t know. Or if you asked me what I was depressed about, I’d say, “Nothing.” Because I really couldn’t say what exactly I was depressed about, and it did seem like nothing. At least nothing I could put my finger on. It was so frustrating, and only furthered my depression.
The fact is that bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance of the brain. And this affects your moods, so that they can “swing” without your having any control over them whatsoever. It’s just the way it is, the nature of the beast.
So you can get depressed over seemingly nothing at all… just be going along fine one minute and overwhelmingly sad the next minute. It’s not your fault, it’s nothing you did or didn’t do, it’s just the bipolar .
To me one of the most frustrating things of all about the disorder is the lack of control. You see, I’m basically a control freak. And I don’t like getting out of control, like what can happen in a bipolar episode. That’s why I try so desperately to stay stable – it’s a way to have control over my bipolar disorder and not have it have control over me.
I haven’t had a major episode in over 6 years now, praise the Lord. But I still remember my last episode acutely. And I sure don’t wanna go back there. So I do whatever I can to maintain my stability.
Part of that is having a good attitude. Now, don’t get me wrong – dark days (what I call bad bipolar days) still happen from time to time, it wouldn’t be realistic to assume that wouldn’t happen, but for the most part I’m happy and my life goes along without a hitch.
Now when rainy days happen, I face them with a positive attitude and don’t let them affect my mood. And usually, they don’t.
If you have a good attitude, chances are you’ll have many more good days than bad days.