While eating dinner I seized. It has been two months since I’ve had a seizure. That’s been very good. Very. It wasn’t serious. A Simple partial, I lost my vision for a bit, a kind of floppy head but I was sitting down.
However, I really wanted it to progress to a Complex partial where I was wandering around unconscious, then eventually I would explode in one grand tonic-clonic.
Isn’t that disgusting? To want to put myself through that?
Well, I surely have put myself through worse by choice (I can’t choose to have a seizure.)
On the heels of wanting to throw out all of my possessions last night and really, I suppose, throw out all of me… One more confirmation that I am…
If I write “useless” you are all going to jump on me and say that I am not. But do you really know? For so long and even to this day, this is what I am apparently being told. I am trying, on all fronts…I am doing everything I can but sometimes, try as hard as I might, it still doesn’t matter.