Wee PA and a New MP3 – Edited re: Asperger’s Information
Posted Feb 28 2009 12:00am
I’ve been thinking about posting this for a little while now. I’ve written about this before and it is in complete, distinct and even absurd contrast to the issues that I have been having with social cues etc…lately.
But maybe not…?
Bear with me. I have blogged about this before but now it may be getting into an entire new realm regarding the above social cue business, issues surrounding social behaviour and what not…I could list in bulleted points my “Aspie Checklist.”
When PA was wee, she was so sensitive, she was pretty much empathic. If you don’t know (not to insult your intelligence) sympathetic means you can try to understand a person’s situation; empathetic means you can feel for it or them. You’ve experienced the similar. Lived it. Something along those lines. Well, when wee PA was so sensitive, she could literally feel what people…felt? And they would basically be just random people she would see.
And it would make her feel sick. Physically.
There is a prior post here where I made a joke about me not being like Deanna Troy. No, it’s not like that.
Guess what? It’s back.
Or at least it came back the other day? In full force.
And boy did I want to cry, spaz out, wretch, throw up (although there was nothing in my system.) I just kept listening to my iPod while I was on transit and tried to close my eyes and tried to stop looking at the people around me.
This may sound crazy. You may be thinking this is some sort of paranormal “hogwash.” However, how do you explain a combination of looking at someone and getting both an emotional feeling about them, no matter what it is and then a visceral reaction in your own body…or several? And yes, the reactions are so intense you feel sick.
I shut this off, so many years ago because it hurt too bloody much and that was the exact time when I “stopped crying.” No, I did. After that, it took something absolutely massive to make me cry. Well, shit’s opening. I don’t feel like the “Walking Wounded.” I feel like “The Walking Wound.”
Some people have told me to just let this happen. Uhhh…yeah? Okay. They’ve said, “It’s a gift.” *PA crosses eyes*
As far as the Aspie stuff? This is a non-communicative thing, right? People on the Spectrum aren’t fucking retarded! They do feel things! They just can’t communicate those feelings so well (if at all?) at times.
I don’t know if this makes any sense. Wacky (Sickly Feeling) Empathic Aspies! Am I one? Well, I suppose anything is possible. It might make sense? In some way? It’s almost like the sensitivity factor is ratcheted up so high in not being able to express things, everything gets turned inside out, outside in, bass-ackwards and all the rest? I don’t know.
Because you see…
I can’t “explain or communicate it” very well.
So, I give you “Lightning Crashes” by Live.
NOTE: Server problems with MP3otM. Will fix ASAP. Thanks.
FURTHER EDIT: Asperger’s like any other flavour of head business does not manifest itself the same way in everyone. That is a “no-brainer” but check out this absolute gem I found:
I was just poking around in Google to see if I was sounding like a complete idiot or not! This is a quote taken from an “Essay” written by “Aaron.” As a courtesy, I will link to it of course. And man…I swear, just in reading some other stuff out there…I had to laugh. If you were to as well, you might see PA all over the place.