We talked late into the night about heartbreak. He was not really sure what had happened or how but a relationship forever seemed a million miles away. He felt lost and didnt know what to do. He laughed sadly and told me that all the people didnt need to leave to be stuck on a desert island.
He said it was strange. It wasnt about big fights. Like many couples they had survived their share of battles but they always ended with renewed connection. But slowly everything became about them. It was a so very slow slide. One day it just seemed that little things were big insults and it wasnt that there were a lot of fights– just the same one over and over again.
They loved each other more than life he said, but in the end a quiet dread colored their moments. Each waited for the next attack and soon it seemed like there was little but attacks. Caution didnt forestall problems but seemed to make them more likely.
He cried a lot. He was truly desperate. He wanted a way past the person he felt like he was becoming but he had no idea how. Each counted on the other to keep the peace and never really understood why it seemed so hard to find.
He asked me to tell him what I thought. I wished I knew of something truly wise to say. They were both good friends and in their pain life seemed so intractably tragic.
Maybe we all need things that dont matter. Everything cant be about my character or what you really think about me or how much you care. Every life, every relationship needs small things, neutral things, things that dont define sides. Some things are housekeeping. Others are homebuilding. When everthing is something to solve even the best of us soon despair of solution.
I dont know if I was talking more to him or me. I dont think I really helped. I know in my life when I get in a space where everything becomes an issue I only make more problems and seldom solve any.
There are no formulas that really work though. Life is not a a sum to be worked out or a product to be multiplied and I fear I was not of much help.
I told him finally there was hope. That’s really what he wanted to know anyway. He asked me why I thought that way. I told him, “You both love and care for each other and both of you know you are caught up in a blindness that is like a web stronger the more you struggle. Perhaps there is a way to get past that. Maybe if you stop trying so hard to see with your eyes closed you can see again the gift we all believe you are to each other.”
I wish I knew better what to say. I was so glad to be his 2 oclock in the morning call. I know he would be mine.
It has been a long night and will be longer before I sleep. If you have a moment tomorrow pray for my friend. He would be grateful and so would I.