Happy New Year! May 2010 be even better than 2009.
I am once again stepping onto the path towards the last locked door. I will travel through the maze of my mental illness, pushing beyond the boundaries of my bipolar disorder and defying the depths of my depression; you are welcome to accompany me if you wish (rafts and life preservers will be furnished upon request). I had hoped to delve into this journey today, January 1, 2010 but I didn’t…or maybe I did and just didn’t realize it. I want to share my experiences not just as a diary of daily doings but as a witness to the functioning and non-functioning parts of me with the hopes that some of my solutions for my own life will be of some service or bring some light into someone else’s life. It’s later than I had hoped to start (10:32 pm – well into my medicated sleep pattern) but I didn’t want to miss starting on the first, so here I am. As for my diary of daily doings…see below:
I spent the day with my husband and that was nice though by the end of the day he was not feeling well…should I take that personally???
I did not speak to anyone on the phone today, which I’m okay with. I wished a few Happy New Year wishes to a few loved ones but otherwise didn’t go out of my way. The way has been blocked since Christmas when a large gathering at my house was both enjoyed and endured until my very nerve endings pulsated in over stimulation. I’ve needed sleep and silence but have not been afforded much of either. No one’s fault except my own; I have not asked for the quiet that I long for, thus I have not received it. Perhaps tomorrow.
This evenings promise to me: To find purposeful silence tomorrow.
Lesson still needing to be learned and put into action: Ask for what I want (so much harder than it seems).