Today I made a new friend, hi Kyred, I read your survival story and I am sorry you had to go through all that but at the same time I feel a weird sense of relief that I am not the only person that goes though stuff like this. Donn't take it personally, I think you know what I mean.
I have to have a hysterectomy because I have fibroid tumors. These things have turned out to be very painful and make me very tired all the time. I am not on a low, well because you can tell when you are. I really donn't know how I feel about this surgery, I haven't really thought about it, I didn't tell anyone until a couple of weeks ago.
I have built such a large wall around myself because of the pain from this disorder that I donn't confide to anyone. They have hurt me and I have lost so many friends because of their lack of knowledge about mental illness that I have built a wall to protect myself. My husband treats me differently, as though I will go raving mad at any time. I haven't yet, but you never know! I have had some of the weirdest remarks mades about bi-polar, one lady ask if bi-polar was another way of saying you were bisexual. Does that really deserve an answer?
I agree with you heather. I embrace my insanity! I talk about it, I laugh about it and if anyone can't handle it then they can get the heck away from me! My crazyness has left visible scars on me and strangers ask me about them all the time. I usualy tell the truth too. (I have a knack for making the unbelievable seem true which is handy when I'm in a hurry though) I feel I've enlightened many people and helped them see just how normal we nuts are.
what a heartbreaking story, in part because i identify all too well. when i was younger, before i was diagnosed, i was always told by my parents that i was a horrible person, that they were all afraid of me (because of my moods), that i'd ruined their lives, and on and on and on. when i moved out and got married, my (now ex) husband was very cold and distant, and was never supportive of me. i think he, too, thought i would crack at any momnt.
however, i've learned over the last couple years, that i am not really a horrible person. for a long time i didn't talk about my illness, just brushed off my moods as PMS or exhaustion or whatever. but in the last couple of years, i have found so much freedom in talking about it. the people i talk to don't make me feel small or inadequate or worthless. instead, i think, they see me as a much stronger person, and have more respect for me because i have this condition. talking about it (not all the time, but when it comes up in conversation) has opened up so many wonderful relationships for me, and i have since been blessed with so many deep friendships since opening up.
i know it's scary to tell people, especially when you've been so hurt in the past. but i would really encourage you to try it. just pick one person, someone you really really trust. talk to them about it, explain it to them, fill them in on how it affects you, how you feel with it... they may surprise you with more support and love than you ever imagined possible.
BD is not a curse. it's the same as cancer, congenital heart disease, arthritis. it's a disease. and you can live... and thrive!... with it.
good luck with your surgery, and get well soon. <3