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Today was a nice day, but I'm a worrywart

Posted Apr 11 2009 1:04am

Well, DH is really staying true to his promise to go to Spenders every week without having a tantrum like he did a couple of weeks ago. He got right up this morning and went.

When he got home, he told me how glad he was that he went. He told me that today they talked about shame and DH said that he talked about some things like what a bind he has put me in and also about how his mom gave him that money to file bankruptcy and he spent it all, and he apparently also talked about the fact that he stole those gold dollars from me. I thought that was very interesting, because a lot of times I think that he has either forgotten all about that stuff, or when "That Guy" is anywhere in the vicinity, DH doesn't care who he's hurt.

Later on in the day, DH's cousin and her daughter (that's a whole other post) came to visit, and I made spaghetti. We were talking about Jason and how the dogs and cats were getting on Jason's nerves the last time he was over. I said "I have never seen Jason get irritated with the animals." And DH said, "that's because he acts different when you're around. He gets all happy and he loves the animals a lot. I'm not blowing smoke here, but I think you've got some kind of aura that makes people happy. Jason's not the only one." LOL, I told him I thought he was blowing smoke, but secretly, I thought it was a really super-nice thing to say, especially in front of his cousin and Jim, too.....see, it's things like that, well, he used to say stuff like that all the time when he was normal, where even though I know I don't have any special aura or anything, the idea that he thinks of that stuff feels really flattering and good. Unfortunatley, since the bipolar really showed up, comments like that are few and far between. But when he does make those kinds of comments, I remember why I'm married to him still, despite all the bad stuff, and I know he still loves me, even if it's not the way I envisioned.

One thing that did alarm me, though, was that about a half hour after he left for Spenders, DH called me on the phone. Here's how the conversation went, pretty shocking, and I don't know what, if anything we should be doing about it right now:

DH: Hi, I'm sorry to wake you up
Me: That's ok, what's wrong?
DH: You're not going to believe this...
Me: "Try me." I figured that he ran out of gas, or his car broke down or something like that.
DH: Um, I can't remember where I'm going. Why am I driving again?
Me: Are you serious?
DH: Yes, I can't remember where I'm going.
Me: Well, you're going to (city).
DH: Ok, but why am I going there again?
Me: "You're going to Spenders, remember?" At this point I thought maybe he was getting drowsy or something.
DH: Spenders?
Me: Yeah, at that church, you remember where it is?
DH: Yes I do. Oh honey that was so weird. I'm really shook up. All of a sudden I had no idea where I was going.

I didn't know what to say to this. I kind of told him that maybe he was just tired, but he didn't buy it. We still haven't gotten any of those results back from the neuro-psychologist that he saw back in November, and that's kind of weird, too. I'm hoping that when DH goes to his regular Dr. later this month, she'll have the results so that we'll have something to go on.

There have been some times lately, with DH's memory lapses, when I have wondered if maybe he is experiencing the beginning of some strange early-onset type of dementia. But I haven't found much at all regarding that, so for the most part, except for mildly wondering about it, I'm discounting that for now. But I think the memory problems are getting worse. And I'm too inexperienced at this to know if it's a new/different problem, or just a different manifestation of his mental illness, or if it's a side effect of his medications....?

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