Update 1/16/08:
There are far too many hits to this post from web searching "thoughts of suicide". Please tell someone you love the truth about how you really feel. As trite as it may sound, it will pass. It really will.
Be well.
Rob went to sleep last night at 11:00 - a normal time! Yesterday we had a chance to discuss the possible side effects of the Wellbutrin and I told him to let me know right away if he had any thoughts of suicide flying through his head at all. I also told him about possible hallucinations, racing thoughts, and all those other goodies listed on the insert. He will be watchful, as will I.
Todd and I had a great weekend. On Monday he was in high spirits, quizzing his psych doc, giving the nurses hell, making plans to sell his auto repair shop, and phoning his attorney and accountant. Tuesday morning I called him to let him know I was bringing him some coffee as planned. He didn't answer his phone until about 7:30 a.m., well after my timeframe to get over there as I had to work. He was not making much sense when I spoke to him, I thought I had woken him up and his head hadn't cleared yet, so I asked him to call me later. He never called me later. Todd has already fallen into the habit of calling me 3 to 4 times a day.
After not being able to get an answer at his room at the RTC, finally yesterday around 4:00 p.m. I called his mother. I had asked Todd over the weekend to give me his mom's phone number for just such an occasion. When I identified myself to mom on the phone, she didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time. I told her I've been calling and not getting an answer, did she know what was up with Todd? She was hesitating to tell me, but then she spilled her guts. Todd was taken to the ER on Tuesday evening. The nurses found him incoherent, belligerent, and smelling of alcohol. A blood test proved he was loaded to the gills.
Todd's mom told me he has done nothing but talk about how well he was doing and what a great time he's been having with me. He told her there's no alcohol in my house, so thankfully she did not suspect me of pushing him off the wagon. Mom said when she got to the ER, he was belligerent, fighting with the staff, and had to be restrained. A nurse showed her the readout from the blood alcohol test and mom said it was very high. She said when she went to see him yesterday, he would not speak to her. After talking to his mom for more than an hour and ignoring my ringing office phone, I left to go see him at the hospital.
When I walked into his room at the hospital, he began crying. I gave him a kiss, held his hand, and waited for him. When he finally spoke and asked me how my day was, I asked him what happened to get him hospitalized. He said he didn't know, and he tried to change the subject. I asked him why he had alcohol in his blood. Again he tried to direct me in another area. So I asked him again, why did he drink when he knew how it would react with his meds? Finally he told me he wanted to die. I asked him why. He said something about the deal to sell his shop falling through. He said he's been through six years of hell, and he just can't take it anymore. It just builds, and builds, and builds and he can't take it anymore. He said he couldn't take it anymore quite a few times. I gave him the usual spiel about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem - how could he do this to his mother who has already lost one son - his job does not define him - the love of his family and friends is far more important than his work, yadda yadda yadda. I reminded him how well he was doing, he's come a long way. Release was in sight. The nurse came in to tell him he was not being released that day as he'd been told by the doctor. I breathed a sigh of relief but he was very angry with her. I asked him why he was in a hurry to go back to the RTC where the food and the nurses suck so bad. He didn't really have an answer. I told him that once I told the people at the hospital that he was suicidal they probably wouldn't let him go back yet. I told him a couple of times that I was going to rat him out.
I stayed with him till about 9:00 p.m. when we both started falling asleep. Before I left he asked me to call him when I got home, and I agreed to do so. Out in the parking lot I called his mom and told her everything I knew. She had suspected that he had done it purposely, she said he has had severe problems with depression in the past and that maybe all of his activity on Monday left him overwhelmed. My feelings exactly. She said she would call Todd's doctor and let him know that Todd was suicidal. We discussed the situation at the RTC and I suggested a rehab for drug/alcohol abuse would be more appropriate for Todd where he could be watched. A place where it's not so easy to sneak alcohol in, a place where the staff will watch, a place where one can get mental health therapy, not just physical therapy. She was thinking along the same lines. Mom said a few times, please don't give up on him - but I understand if you do want to walk away. She said she hadn't seen him so happy in a very long time as he was lately.
Before I had a chance to call Todd when I got home, he called me. He was worried that I was going to give up on him and walk away. I assured him that wasn't so. We talked for awhile, and when saying goodbye he said he'd call me in the morning. I said, "You promise?" He promised.
Update 1/16/08:
There are far too many hits to this post from web searching "thoughts of suicide". Please tell someone you love the truth about how you really feel. As trite as it may sound, it will pass. It really will.
Be well.
Rob went to sleep last night at 11:00 - a normal time! Yesterday we had a chance to discuss the possible side effects of the Wellbutrin and I told him to let me know right away if he had any thoughts of suicide flying through his head at all. I also told him about possible hallucinations, racing thoughts, and all those other goodies listed on the insert. He will be watchful, as will I.
Todd and I had a great weekend. On Monday he was in high spirits, quizzing his psych doc, giving the nurses hell, making plans to sell his auto repair shop, and phoning his attorney and accountant. Tuesday morning I called him to let him know I was bringing him some coffee as planned. He didn't answer his phone until about 7:30 a.m., well after my timeframe to get over there as I had to work. He was not making much sense when I spoke to him, I thought I had woken him up and his head hadn't cleared yet, so I asked him to call me later. He never called me later. Todd has already fallen into the habit of calling me 3 to 4 times a day.
After not being able to get an answer at his room at the RTC, finally yesterday around 4:00 p.m. I called his mother. I had asked Todd over the weekend to give me his mom's phone number for just such an occasion. When I identified myself to mom on the phone, she didn't say anything for what seemed like a long time. I told her I've been calling and not getting an answer, did she know what was up with Todd? She was hesitating to tell me, but then she spilled her guts. Todd was taken to the ER on Tuesday evening. The nurses found him incoherent, belligerent, and smelling of alcohol. A blood test proved he was loaded to the gills.
Todd's mom told me he has done nothing but talk about how well he was doing and what a great time he's been having with me. He told her there's no alcohol in my house, so thankfully she did not suspect me of pushing him off the wagon. Mom said when she got to the ER, he was belligerent, fighting with the staff, and had to be restrained. A nurse showed her the readout from the blood alcohol test and mom said it was very high. She said when she went to see him yesterday, he would not speak to her. After talking to his mom for more than an hour and ignoring my ringing office phone, I left to go see him at the hospital.
When I walked into his room at the hospital, he began crying. I gave him a kiss, held his hand, and waited for him. When he finally spoke and asked me how my day was, I asked him what happened to get him hospitalized. He said he didn't know, and he tried to change the subject. I asked him why he had alcohol in his blood. Again he tried to direct me in another area. So I asked him again, why did he drink when he knew how it would react with his meds? Finally he told me he wanted to die. I asked him why. He said something about the deal to sell his shop falling through. He said he's been through six years of hell, and he just can't take it anymore. It just builds, and builds, and builds and he can't take it anymore. He said he couldn't take it anymore quite a few times. I gave him the usual spiel about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem - how could he do this to his mother who has already lost one son - his job does not define him - the love of his family and friends is far more important than his work, yadda yadda yadda. I reminded him how well he was doing, he's come a long way. Release was in sight. The nurse came in to tell him he was not being released that day as he'd been told by the doctor. I breathed a sigh of relief but he was very angry with her. I asked him why he was in a hurry to go back to the RTC where the food and the nurses suck so bad. He didn't really have an answer. I told him that once I told the people at the hospital that he was suicidal they probably wouldn't let him go back yet. I told him a couple of times that I was going to rat him out.
I stayed with him till about 9:00 p.m. when we both started falling asleep. Before I left he asked me to call him when I got home, and I agreed to do so. Out in the parking lot I called his mom and told her everything I knew. She had suspected that he had done it purposely, she said he has had severe problems with depression in the past and that maybe all of his activity on Monday left him overwhelmed. My feelings exactly. She said she would call Todd's doctor and let him know that Todd was suicidal. We discussed the situation at the RTC and I suggested a rehab for drug/alcohol abuse would be more appropriate for Todd where he could be watched. A place where it's not so easy to sneak alcohol in, a place where the staff will watch, a place where one can get mental health therapy, not just physical therapy. She was thinking along the same lines. Mom said a few times, please don't give up on him - but I understand if you do want to walk away. She said she hadn't seen him so happy in a very long time as he was lately.
Before I had a chance to call Todd when I got home, he called me. He was worried that I was going to give up on him and walk away. I assured him that wasn't so. We talked for awhile, and when saying goodbye he said he'd call me in the morning. I said, "You promise?" He promised.