The mind’s sense of freedom, it’s ease of distraction, it’s continuous diversions, it’s never ending choices and ultimately the influence on all of these by mood are what sometimes make things so difficult. All of the above appear to free us and set-up the conditions that create the ultimate challenge of defining meaning to live by, but they are all heavily influence by the visceral energy that initiates or withdraws the mind from action within itself and within the world - mood.
The influence of inconsistent moods and the opposing realities they attempt to create and then perpetuate within a single mind are daunting. Identity becomes a confusing mess of contradictions played back in memory and your vision of the future continually shifts as your inconsistent mood continues to influence the atmosphere of your mind. Freedom begins to haunt you as you begin to realize your only choice in life is to continue choosing while not fully trusting your judgment, even though in every moment that judgment feels right. Identity becomes split into three modes of functioning: manic, normal and depressed. You identify differently with each identity and although your overall identity remains the same, each different mode transforms you into something far different than the other. Parts of your life can’t function properly together and things start to become a mess and fall apart. You do things in one mood that you would never do in the other and you have to somehow find a way to reconcile this conflict during of your fleeting moments of stability.
Left alone to your sense of freedom, you see the world around you happening and you try to understand how you fit into it. You find things to surround yourself with to tell you who you are, to reassure your insecurities that inevitably present themselves in every choice you make so that you think you understand the reasoning behind your choices, but as time goes by the things you surrounded yourself with lose their effect and influence and you’re lost once again to your sense of freedom and the unpredictability of who you will be in the months to come.