The mind is a very powerful tool and can control your thoughts and feelings. But, how can you control the mind. I ‘ve beeb lying in the dark for hours tossing and turning trying to sleep. Hence, I hear sounds coming from everywhere – floor creaking, walls, doors, and windows. The sound of a twisting door knob and the vision of someone walking through the threshold – these are the sounds I hear while trying to fall asleep. I get up and pour myself a cup of Jasmine tea in hope it will made me sleepy. Then I write.
Am I just going crazy? Is it the medications the doctors put me on making me crazy? I have too many thoughts going through my head and it’s causing turbulance – restlessness, anxiety, and of course, having bipolar doesn’t help. I just have this feeling going on inside my stomach that’s twisting and turning like a tornado. Usually, I’m calm and can sleep into slumber. But, tonight, I’m restless and I don’t know why. I feel like something might happen soon. I don’t know what that could be so much as happened. Maybe it’s the medication I’m taking. Maybe it’s the shadow I saw earlier or maybe my intuition is telling me something and I’m not sure what it is. Lately, I have felt like I’m going mad with all the forgetfulness and confusion. Sometimes it’s like a wall between my eyes and my brain.
I’m here all alone no one to talk to just silence. Along way from home with no friends to call. I keep telling myself not to go mad. Sometimes I feel like I want to sink down in hole and hide like I had several years ago before I dug myself out. I had gone mad until God rescued me. For some reason I’m not hearing him right now. I don’t know why. What could it be? Have I done something to make him silent. I’ve got to ask, Dear God – is there something I’ve done for this silence? Please forgive me if I have – I think I’m going mad lord and I need your help please. I reach my hand for you – take it – please