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(Still lacking clever titles)

Posted May 13 2010 2:58pm
Not much is new, nothing worth writing about anyway. I'm still super tired which is a total blast. I don't know how much of that is from the blood sugar business or the brain business. And I get home and don't really care. All I want to do is sleep! I have had a stinking kick-ass headache since last night at some point, and it won't stop. Makes me kinda cranky, you know?           I saw pdoc today, and he asked how things have been with the meds. I told him fine, except for the lack of motivation, the obsession with one thing (e.g. stupid iPhone themes) and one thing only, mildly uncontrolable aggression at random times, etc. He didn't really respond. That was an extremely productive conversation. Clearly.                                           There is drama at work, people are being stupid and not to sound like a big giant cry-baby, but some managers are making things hard on me intentionally. It's stupid shit. The best part of this story is that every now and again they still need my help and come asking for my assistance in a nice and sweet manner. It's ridiculous, they are incompetent, and I do happen to have more work-related knowledge than they do. True story. Not exaggerating. I told the store manager the other day in a private meeting we had that I know what's up with this situation (I spoke to him in more detail obviously), and when I gave my take-home statement his face turned a lovely shade of red. Bingo. Thanks for confirming my little theory, jackass. During this conversation I also added a few tid-bits, such as, "I'm okay with people being rude and whatnot; I'm not going anywhere and this silly drama won't get the best of me". There were a few other gems but I cannot recall them off hand.                                                                          You may recall several months ago that my mom was being more helpful and supportive with things at home. I didn't mention it at the time (or I may have and simply forgot) but I had a feeling it was a phase of hers and wouldn't last forever. Ding ding ding. I was right. It has been vanishing and now we are at the point where it is gone. It definitely sucks ass. I'm not saying she *should* help me out, or that I am entitled to her assistance. Not by any means. But damn, shit is harder at home now. And she places extra demands on me and does so in her intense slightly urgent and loud voice, which comes across as having a lot of attitude and kinda rude. I've tried to tell her this, but she doesn't agree, therefore continuing to tell her how I feel about it is totally pointless. Being at home is a blast. She quit understanding and working with me with things, even little stuff like taking care to not speak in that particular type of dialogue/tone. It sucks ass. So after a long day at work and some time at the gym (yes, I joined!) which is stressful in itself because of my little issue with other people looking at me and how much I loathe my body, I come home and get nagged. In some ways she is right to nag as there are things I should do to help out. But the timing of the nagging sucks ass as usual, and I don't think she understands how I have been feeling lately. My room is disgusting (not just cluttered, but actually kinda gross) and I don't have the energy/will/drive to clean it. She thinks I'm being lazy, but it's not that. It's some mix of depression, stress, and/or hypoglycemia. I want to want to clean it, and I scream at myself in my head, but my body and motor functions have other ideas. It is so frustrating that she doesn't understand/comprehend how I have been feeling. I'm not even going to elaborate on here how I have been in my head because I am getting tired now of typing and my hands hurt.
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