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Step Two

Posted Feb 20 2011 12:00am

Came to believe that a power greater than us could restore us to sanity.
My first reaction to this step is “came to believe.” I ask myself do I believe? Well, not completely. What about the word came? I think without doing a word search, it must mean something that happens over time. Sanity restoration aside, do I really believe there is a power greater than me?
Our beloved, Bill, the founder of AA wrote “Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from asking yourself what they mean to you.”

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.” declares the LORD, “because you are called an outcast.” Jeremiah 30:17. In my psychotic and major depressive episodes, I just don’t have the belief that I can be restored to anything resembling sanity. This is how it goes for me. I’m good, some problems happening, but I handle it. I begin believing I am cured and the former is history. Then some alarms go off. While I am better a recognizing them and getting my butt to the psychiatrist, I don’t have that pattern at 100 percent. Yet. I either go down slowly or I drop. Which way I get to the latest “documented” episode doesn’t matter. The belief I will be there forever gathers strength like a hurricane does over warm water. I beg God to heal me and I want it done the minute my lamenting starts.

Now, with many episodes behind me and remission realized I see that the pathway to health is lightened by God’s healing and accompanying restoration. My power, God, has always healed me and restored me. It is a continuous process. This is what “spiritual terms” mean to me.

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