AHHHH!!! My anxiety is now circling high above the earth, roughly amidst the rings of Saturn right now. I took a Valium when trying to deal. I’m already out of my mind with loads of Gravol/Dimenhydrinate because I’m so nauseous–well, took some more of that to try and help me deal. It’s good that I don’t let anyone in my real life read this blog! This is pretty, goddamn personal about someone else’s life but it’s driving me more bloody bonkers than I already am.
Initially, I thought the side effects of my Lamictal/Lamotrigine weren’t as bad as when we started with the first 50mg about a week and a half ago. Well, here we are at Day Two and…actually, I have no clue about that. Not right now. Not at this moment.
Now I’ve just been sitting here for a while not moving, staring at the screen with my mouth hanging open.
I got a text from J. that he was suicidal as all hell and was thinking of hospital! Now, J. has had unbelievable experiences in hospital. He’s terrified of them. And here I am, unable to leave the house because I’m too screwed myself to get him there! It’s taken me all afternoon over the phone to not only convince him but threaten him! Yes! I did!
I know he is totally petrified but he knows I am right! As the final push, I said if he didn’t go because I couldn’t physically drag him there, I’d call 911/Emergency Services on his ass!
Now I’m sitting here waiting for the crystal, clear cut, diamond instructions I have demanded of him! Call me the minute you walk through the hospital doors! Let me know where you are! I just sent him a txt now as it’s been a few hours since we last talked. Christ, I wish he had a GPS chip embedded in him! If he fought more with me on this I just may have ended up killing him myself!
Kidding if you’re reading police people! I don’t kill!
Just got text back. He’s “en route” but isn’t saying where. I gave him information about various places. If he’s lying? There just might be police involvement then and PA will be blogging from a prison psych ward! If I don’t hear from him, head out and hit every hospital in the city to try and find him? The first one I’d walk into, they’d only need to take a single glance at me and in the shape I’m in? They’d toss my sorry ass into the psych ward! I certainly wouldn’t be able to help much from there, would I?
Actually, and unfortunately since I can’t get out, or if I did? I wouldn’t end up on the psych ward. It would either be surgical or neuro. That’s because I’m stumbling all over with Wonder Cane. In trying to go to all the hospitals, I’d probably wipe out and break a bone (surgical/ortho) or bonk my bean and split it in two (neuro.) I still wouldn’t be of much help from there either.
Excuse poor grammar and repetition and all of that. I am obviously and completely going insane here!