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She Got That Pap Smear Where?????

Posted Sep 12 2008 1:37pm

Well, D……..I figure it’s time for another poontang post. I wrote this in my other blog but figured you girls would get a bigger kick out of it. So, here it is………and it’s all completely true. But poontang has been taken out of our search terms so it will prove interesting to see how much it gets read.

I like to learn something new everyday. And, I usually do see, read, or hear something that I didn’t know everyday.

What I heard yesterday, though, was the bombdiggity of some of the best kept secret knowledge ever.

My neighbor’s sister got a pap smear in her anal orfice. Yep, you read that right. Right up the ol’ butt. At least that is what my neighbor said (and obviously believes).

Our conversation:

R (my neighbor)….”I had to take my sister to the doctor last week. She is already 23 and never had a pap smear. Since, she is a virgin, the doctor did the pap smear in her behind”.

Me…”Her behind what?”

R….”Her butt”.

Me…actually, I was stunned into silence for a few moments. After recovering from shock, I said, “Well……uh…….I’ve never heard of that. I think you are mixed up. Pap smears are done in the vagina.”

R…..”No, I am not wrong!” (she was becoming a little upset)

Me….”R, that’s not something that is done. Why would a doctor attempt something like that?”

R…..”Well, she’s a virgin so the doctor said that he didn’t want to do the pap smear in her vagina because she wouldn’t be a virgin anymore.”

Ok…..now we live in the same neighborhood. It ain’t New York City or nuthin’ but we do have regular doctors. Witch doctors went out about 20 yrs ago. Actually, I’m kidding, there may still be one or two around in these woods. So, I am just not believing this. I made a huge mistake in trying to convince her otherwise.

Me….”.R, I about 110 percent positive that you are wrong. They can not get the specimen that they need from the vigina out of the back hole”.

R…..”I KNOW WHAT I”M TALKING ABOUT! YOU DON”T KNOW EVERYTHING, MISS SMARTY-PANTS!”

Me….getting pissed off at her attitude…….”Well, I might not know everything but I do know that a turd sample is not going to tell the doc anything about her poontang’s problem.

See, now she has angered me and I am resorting to using big medical terms like turd and poontang.

Figuring that this might get interesting, I make myself calm down.

Me….”Why did she have to go to the doc? Is she ill?

R…..”She’s suffering from lack of malnutrition”.

Me…..”Don’t you mean lack of nutrition?”

R……”NO!! The doc said lack of malnutriton. I was standing right there when he said it.”

Me….”Well, I gotta run. Got things to do. See ya around. Hope the ass-smear turns out OK”. (Couldn’t resist saying “ass-smear”. I’m such a smart-ass sometimes)

I hurried away from her. I knew that there was no changing her mind. And, I have to admit that I laughed to myself……..in my head seeing an extremely obese woman suffering from LACK OF MALNUTRITION lying on a gyno table with a doc using a plunger to get her pap/ass/smear.

And, I swear to you…….this whole story is true. Yes, Viriginia, there really are idiots!

Thought I might add one more thing here about this neighbor. This woman has the largest boobs that I have ever seen. They are as big as those orange road cones and kinda shaped like em, too. She had carpal tunnel surgery a few years back. She asked me to pick her up after the surgery which I did. I DID NOT know though, that I would have to dress her. I mean completely, dress her. I was looking for her bra to help her put it on but couldn’t find it. She said it was over there on a chair. I didn’t see it. I saw what I thought was some kind of white top probably worn by hospital staff. She told me to go look again. OMG!!!! That bra was big-ass huge! I knew that I was gonna work up a sweat trying to put her tits in them and get it snapped. And, I did. That was some hard work. But, after seeing those magestic mammary glands, I knew that I was totally satified with average size boobs.

Filed under: freak magnet, friends, humor, life, medical research, personal

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