Last year I had a really bad manic episode and became very close to being homicidal, I was having thoughts but not acting on them. Now I am having the same signs that led up to that episode last year again. I'm not sleeping, hardly eating. I'm already taking 4 pills a day and when they increase my Geodon all I do is sleep. I can't afford to lose my job because of a manic episode or because of falling asleep at work. I'm scared of losing everything to this disease and not being able to do anything about it. I sometimes wonder if it would make more sense to try and get disability instead of working. I'm always missing work when I'm semi-manic anyhow and I fear that one day my boss is going to fire me. I'm scared of losing my husband and child over being manic too. I'm afraid they are going to be like we can't deal with this and walk out the door.
Have you talked to your doctor about feeling the manic episode building? That is (of course) my first recomendation. You need to find just the right mix of meds which takes time, patience and a few false starts but once you find the right combo it's like magic. With the meds I'm on now I never have to worry about getting manic. It took me about 5yrs to find a doctor, in the government sponsored system, who would listen to me and was willing to try diffrent meds. I spent 3yrs stoned to oblivion on way to high a dose of a med that didn't work. I was still manic pluss I could hardly move. I spent another 2 years on a med that worked but was causing my ulcers to go into overdrive. Then there was a year and a half of being on an overdose of the right drug, which caused them to avoid giving me that drug because they thought I was the one purposely taking to much of it. Thru all of that I was hospitalized...ALOT and couldn't have held a job if I managed to get one. I still can't get a job but thats due to about 3 other problems(mental and physical). I guess I'm saying you may need a diffrent med or combo of meds to find a realy good place.
I lost everything to my mental mix, bipolar is in there, and it's verry hard. I've been on disability for over 10 years now and hate it. It's almost imposible to get on it and they don't realy give you enough to live on. Not to mention it can make things worse sometimes when you don't have a regular schedule to stick to. I would try like heck not to go for disability if I were you.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. I'm here if you have questions or just need to talk.
i know how scary it can be to feel u will lose ur husband and childern. in 2000 i was told i was bipolor and started all kinds of meds even the ones u metioned some helped some didnt some just keep me stoned and in the end my husband left me to. in 2004 i was put in thehospital when i came out i was forced by surcumstandes to stop all meds i found out my pre teen son had and was abusing my meds because i was to stonned my self to pay attenion and his dad was to busy working and telling his to take care of me. i started taking vitiams and learning how to controll my temper. and in 2008 me and my husband got back toghter. i learned to b a parent again. know dont think im telling you to stop ur meds u know urself better then anyone. but ive come to the thinking that sometimes dr's just give us to much meds forare own good. to stay strong. b proud and take controll plus being a little crazy and flipping out on ur husband makes for greatmake upsex and i stabes my husband 3 times
Bipolar disorder can look very different in different people. The symptoms vary widely in their pattern, severity, and frequency. Some people are more prone to either mania or depression, while others alternate equally between the two types of episodes. Some have frequent mood disruptions, while others experience only a few over a lifetime.
Many people with bipolar disorder have successful careers, happy family lives, and satisfying relationships. Living with bipolar disorder is challenging. But with treatment, healthy coping skills, and a solid support system, you can live fully while managing your symptoms.
While medication is the foundation of bipolar disorder treatment, therapy and self-help strategies also play important roles. You can help control your symptoms by exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating right, monitoring your moods, keeping stress to a minimum, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
If you’re reluctant to seek treatment because you like the way you feel when you’re manic, remember that the energy and euphoria come with a price. Mania and hypomania often turn destructive, hurting you and the people around you.
A psychiatrist who is skilled in bipolar disorder treatment can help you navigate these twists and turns.