There I was starting to hyperventilate, looking around desperately for a bag to breathe into, thinking (well at least the coherent thoughts) to myself...oh my god, ohmygodohmygod..this is it, it is finally happening, I've taken the big step. Only for the lady to come back and say "I'm sorry there is a problem and we have to cancel the application".
Yes I went to sign up to start a degree...yes a third attempt and for those of you not au courant with my history, I had started two previously but never finished..yeah yeah I'm a repeat drop out bite me. I was determined this time though that no matter what, through thick or thin, no matter what mental breakdown I was going through, no matter who died, no matter what chronic disease I was diagnosed with (cancer be damned), I was not going to drop out and I was going to finish this. So you could imagine my shock when I was told that there was a problem and they could not proceed. My brand new id card was already being printed, I was on the system and then in an instant...poof! My dreams of a better life up in smoke.
Needless to say the drop from anxiety attack to depression was instantaneous. I felt/feel like ass, I'm also sure there is a more delicate way of putting this but at the moment ass will suffice. There are other options of course, I will have to look into them more thoroughly now, but for moment I am still reeling from the sudden mood change and know that under different circumstances I would be in bed for the rest of the month feeling like a complete failure and not wanting to move any further than the bathroom. Thank god for meds.