Pooper scooper. I took my last Lamictal pill this morning. And I am almost out of the Adderall. I have some generic form of Lamictal, but that crap just makes me tired and feel like crap and still be a nutter-butter. Stupid pdoc. I'm not too sure what I am going to do, except just hang in there and still rock out what I need to do. :)
No eyelashes, no Lamictal... booo. However, I do have a "special" friend. Yes, the kind that are fun to play with. He's quite freakin' sexy too. I hit the jackpot on this illicit affair with his level of hottness and "ability", plus I have the added bonus of not having to worry about him going all Stage 5 Clinger on my ass (like every other dude seems to). It's quite an ideal situation really. I get my fun and I don't have any strings or stupidity attached to it. It is helpful to me at this time. It is a safe arrangement as well, I am not risking my health or safety in any way. I'm getting my physical needs taken care of in a delicious manner and still free to do whatever the hell I want without having to check in/confer with/talk to/etc anyone else. It's pretty nice. Especially given the past 4 idiots I have tried "talking" to... and they all did a great job of being totally retarded... I have firmly decided to embrace my overgeneralization that "all people are idiots" and for the moment, I am quite dandy not having any form of a relationship. Does it get lonely? You bet. However, the lonliness I get is SO NOT worth the hassle it takes to go about finding/meeting someone worth while. I seriously do not have the time for that crap. Perhaps once I finsh grad school aps and stuff and have time to sit and breathe, then i can do that. But until then... no thank you. I have work I need to do and that work doesn't involve screwing around wasting my time with a jackass/idiot/moron/pansy in disguise as a normal person.
I don't mean to sound jaded and so cynical. But for frik's sake, SO many men out there are incredibly retarded and clingy; very much acting like the streotypical "girl" in the relationship. I really don't get it. I don't want a weak man, but I don't want a control obsessed jerk-off either.
Here is an example of the nut-jobs of the world... I meet dude online (yes, I have stopped to that level since "in person" has been far from fruitful), dude and I email, dude and I meet for coffee one night after I get off work. We meet for about 50 minutes at a local Starbucks. Super.
The pseudo-date is bland, he is clearly not my type, however I remain cordial and friendly. I made it clear before we met that school is my number one priority, and I reiterated that again over the cups of joe. It was pretty clear. I'm a blunt gal, and there certainly was not missing the "school is my #1 priority" sentiments.
After coffee, as I was by my vehicle, he asked what I was doing this weekend and if I would be available. I said "maybe", and explained it has to do with how my most recent research paper comes along (which is due Tuesday). I shook his hand and we left it at that.
The next day (Friday) he sends me an email and a text asking if I will be free over the weekend. I respond (waiting until I was home as to not encourage this) and tell him no, I don't think that is going to be able to happen; I have to much work to do. Again on Saturday morning, he asks the same question. I give a firm 'no'. He asks me again in the afternoon, and I repeat with a little more emphasis, "No, I have things I need to work on for school. I'm not going out at all tonight".
Then the jackass asks me AGAIN at about 11pm. He sends a text message that says, "You sure that you can't have fun tonight? All work and no play makes Ann a dull girl".
Seriously?? Are you seriously freakin' kidding me? Well since you put it that way, I will totally come have fun with you tonight!
WRONG. How has it happened that people/men in today's society are so dense that they cannot fathom/comprehend that a woman might actually have responsibilities to tend to instead of going out with said dude, and that hell, she might even prefer reading about some damn neuroscience shit versus hanging out with the dude?!?!?! Why is that concept so freaking hard for people to grasp?? I had spelled out my boundaries pretty clear to. I don't get it. I seriously cannot understand how a dude thinks it is okay to continue to pressure me/try to convince me to go out with him when I have said NO more than once. I just don't get it. We've met for 50 minutes. That's it. Over coffee. How is this type of behavior normal?? Hell I know I'm not a dating expert, but geeze if this *is* normal then I will not be dating EVAR. I hate pressure, and it is a special trigger for me when someone applies activity related pressure/stress in an excessive request that I "do" something, especially when I have already made my mind up as that what I will be doing, and made my feelings pretty freakin' clear.
Anyhoo, I responded to his text with a well phrased and non-rude response outlining how clear I have made it that shcool it my priority, the fact I have made my decision and expressed it firmly more than once, how he simply cannot just change my mind, and I am frankly annoyed by his continued attemps to bug me about doing something I made quite clear I was not in to doing.
There was continued dialog that was equally as retarded on his part; he responded with something about how what is important to me is important to him, and he wasn't trying to change my mind and is sorry if he offended me. I corrected him by saying I was not offended, just irritated, and that yes, asking the same thing 5 different times in 5 different ways *is* an attempt to illicit a different answer from myself, and finally, we met for 50 minutes. He does not "know" me, especially to the point where things I personally value (i.e. school) are truly as important to him. It's a nice idea, but seriously... not the real thing. He is delusional. Seriously. Again, he responded with some fluffy crap, and my response straight laid it all out there (again, in an incredibly kind and non-rude way, yet blunt enough to convey what I wanted to) and let him know that his acting this way is a turn off to the ladies. Truly knowing someone (he had said as well that he felt he "knew" me) takes time and shared experiences and deep conversations and just that feeling of connectedness and what not... we definitely didn't share that experience the other day. It's too pushy too soon, and he should be cognizant of this type of behavior with his future interactions with women-folk.
People amaze me.
A normal man... not a pansy, not an ass... It's a tough balance to find... and one that I am just dandy with putting off for a while. Especially since I have my fun little illicit rendezvous to look forward to each week...
So despite the slight medication pickle I am in, I am demanding that I remain cheerful. And so I am pretty much... :)