Linda and I spent part of our fourth of July with a group of Alzeimer’s patients we have been working with for about 2 years. They like to talk about the Bible. We talked about the story of David and Goliath.
As we talked about David’s battle with his giant, I thought a lot about my struggle with the giants in my life and how much all of us struggle with giants as part of daily life.
I remember when seizures were so bad for Linda that 10-15 grand mal seizures was a good day. I remember when they defined our day. And I remember the terror she lived with every time we went out in public. And I remember the terror I lived with watching her suffer and not knowing what to do.
I remember when Linda fell down a flight of stairs in a seizure and broke her face. She looked like I had beaten her to death with a baseball bat. And I remember the look on her face when the first doctor told her that the injuries might be permanent. (Thank God they werent)
I remember the day I sat and waited during her brain surgery for 5 hours.
I remember the day she got lost in Walmart and I searched for her for an hour before I could find her.
I remember her trying to come to terms with all the things she could no longer do as a result of the brain surgery that she could do before it.
I remember the years and years before we realized that she had bipolar disorder when she was terrified of herself and wondered what she would do next.
I know how much of my life has been defined by something gigantic I am afraid of. And I cant help but wonder how much else I have missed.
During the last 3 years of unemployment I lived in fear of homelessness or not being able to find a job again or just simply being useless to the people I cared most about. I have had no shortage of giants. Often I wondered if my sling had any rocks or not.
There is a phrase I think that defines giantness…. “Nothing but…” When you get to the point where there is “nothing but” something in your life that something is the giant in your life. Whether it is making money, drinking, gaining status, dealing with a major threat of some sort, bipolar disorder, depression or what of a million other things the phrase “nothing but” describes whether or not they are giants in your life.
And I found the best way to deal with giants is to realize there is “somethng more.” Maybe the things that scare you, the things that tempt you, the things that seem to do your every thought are really real. But they are not all that is real. There are bad things, but bad things are not all there is.
When David faced Goliath he didnt talk about how big the giant was. He talked about how powerful God was. It didnt make the giant any smaller, or any less dangerous. It just put him in a different perspective.
I am so grateful for “something more” in my life. Sometimes it has been hard to hang onto. But it is there and I know it. And I am so grateful for the many blessings in life and the many who care.