He was only 16 but had been an alcoholic for a hundred years. He knew there was a time before booze. He just didnt remember it. His father had died in prison when he was 13 from a body alcohol destroyed. Alcohol defined his life. He was sure it would define his death.
He found out later when the emt’s found him his alcohol level was 5 or 6 times the legal limit. His heart had stopped. They hit him with the paddles and he started to breath again. Then he died again. And again they started his heart and again he died. And finally they tried one more time. “And he lived.
He told me about the terror he had of himself. “No one will ever understand how much I like being drunk….. Once I start I dont stop…..I am going to die for good.”
He didnt want to die. He wanted to find something more., some hope that was real and palpable. He asked me what he could do to stop. I told him I didnt really know. “How do you stop doing something you love so much you are willing to risk death to do it?”
After many talks I finally told him that perhaps I had a glimpse of a possible answer. “You have to find a greater love….Love only defeats love. Passion yields to greater passion.”
He was about to become a father. He decided his child would know a father different than the one he had known. And his love become showing his child the life he had never known. In giving life for another he found life for himself.
C.S Lewis said that the problem with human beings is not that they want too much but that they settle for too little.
I dont know about you but I know for me that at times my passionate pursuit of lesser loves has left me lost and aimless in my search for the kind of life I really want to lead.