Numb.

I don't know what to do. It's very alarming, on one level, but on other levels, it's not surprising at all....but I never in a thousand years, ever imagined that I would feel this way.

I feel numb. About DH. I really just don't care right now, and I'm very shocked.

I don't care if he takes his stupid meds on time, I don't care if he gets out of bed, I don't care if I have to do 8 loads of laundry all by myself even though he was home all day....and I don't care if he's out of pop or cigs or if his back hurts.

He told me he loved me today, and I thought to myself, "yeah, that's nice".

And there's a little voice inside me making snide comments every time DH says anything. I just don't feel much of anything....disgust, and then nothing. Is this why marriages end? I don't want to spend time with him. I don't want to talk to him. All he thinks about is DH all the time anyhow.

Tonite he's angry again because his mom is at the casino and didn't invite him, although he (according to DH) had been looking forward to it all day. Big whoop. I'm working.

And he's angry with Kirby again, too. I know I've got to find a solution for Kirby. But I also know that he isn't doing it on purpose, he just needs to go out virtually every time you can think of it. I don't think he has more than a month or two, at most...but I don't think it's time yet....maybe....? And DH doesn't get it and gets mad. As long as he doesn't physically do anything to the animals (and he never has ever...) I don't care if he's mad. Too bad for him.

Numb, I tell you.

I keep thinking that he needs to go to his mom's for a while. But I'm afraid that he'll become suicidal if I ask him to. I'm also fantasizing about going and staying in a motel for the next couple of days, but it couldn't be too far away, because I've got to make sure the animals get taken care of.

I just want a different life. Same pets, different husband, different house, etc...