By A year ago today the ground was ripped out from under me and I went to a very deep dark place from which I just narrowly escaped.
Saying that I escaped is quite possibly being somewhat optimistic. It's still there, right there buried not so deeply below the surface. Fear and dread that's what's there fear and dread.
This third year I am trying to steel myself. Once again signs are there. There is nothing I could do about it, this I truly have no control over. All I can do is wait.. In fear ... With dread growing by the very second.
I find it hard to forget. It was a lesson, a very hard lesson to swallow, but then I seldom learn from my lessons... I go on to repeat them again and again.
Sleepless nights, disturbing dreams, the quiet sense of slowly losing myself. Holding on virtually by a piece of straw.
I am constantly amazed at this person who has taken over my body and mind... I do not recognise me at all. I have not been able to recognise me for some time now