Although I'm not very good at daily blogging, I do like NaBloPoMo's themes once in a while. "May's theme is MAYBE. Maybe can sound like a wishy-washy word, a non-commitment. It can show ambivalence, being of two minds about something. Or maybe can also be seen as a word embodying potential -- maybe looks to the future, to possibilities, to things that may happen."
I've been depression free for about a month now. That scares the beejeesus out of me. I'm so afraid it's not going to last. I was treatment resistant for over a year, so it's hard to just accept the fact that I'm OK now. But what if maybe this is it? Maybe I'll be OK for a while. The nature of bipolar disorder is that it's unpredictable and not always controllable by medication. But since I haven't had any manic episodes for longer than I can remember, why not expect that maybe I won't have any depressive episodes either? Maybe this time it will last.
When I look at the timeline for feeling fantastic, I have to attribute my well-being to not only my medication, Nardil, but to Healing Touch. I have discussed it with my therapist, and have decided it's a vital part of my toolbox for my bipolar battle. So I've been exercising, trying to eat healthier, taking my meds, seeing Jill (Healing Touch) weekly, and keeping in touch with my therapist.
Maybe this time my depression will stay away for a good long time.