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manic and going, going,going

Posted Feb 23 2010 4:13pm 1 Comment
All this excitement has threw my life off kilter, knew it would.  I have to have a regular routine or I will cycle, I know that, my husband knows that, everybody that knows anything about my disorder knows that.  But that's not always possible.  I cann't calm my mind down slow enough to write so if this makes nos sense then maybe it only helps give a better understanding of how mania working.  My mind goes from one thought to a million others in 60 seconds flat.  My body shakes and my heads spins and I wonder if total insanity could be much worse than this.  This is not a good manic, it is an angry, raging manic waiting to strick at someone that something not to my liking.  I have no desire to accomplish any great goals, only to strick out to all those that I feel have wronged me.  The phone rings and I know it must be someone that I am angry with because I am sure they have wronged me at some time or other.  I hate the anger, it exhausts me, it eats away at me.  The pain in my chest is crushing.  The noise inside my head is unbearable, make it go away, please
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I too feel this way on bad mania days. I get angry for no reason at all or about the past. I even find something to get mad at when there is nothing really there to get mad at. Start fights just to fight and inside you are screaming STOP! but you just cant. My problem is when i get this angry i hurt myself and then fall to the floor and cry hysterically...

The best way i have been able to deal with it...is well to let it all out...and apologize later....but i'm sure thats the wrong way too. 

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