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Mania Aftermath….Dead Man Walking

Posted Sep 12 2008 7:01pm

Human debris and scattered life wreckage…those are the causalities of mania.

Most bipolars do not have the lifestyle to support that side of the disease.
What skates by as “oops” in Hollywood, does no t fly in suburbia.
No wonder bipolars try to kill themselves & many of them finish the job. I’ ve always said, it’s not the depression, it’s the other side that’ll get ya in the end.

This disease is particularly cruel in that it has a few different ways of stealing the lives of its victims. There’s the obvious: sucking on a 12 gauge….and then there’s the slow death method.
You see, the lengthy periods of normal moods between the ups and downs, lures the victim into a false sense of security. That feeling of “everything is going fine” allows that stealth bastard to sneak in and score some damage points before evasive action can be taken. After a few times of being caught “out there”, only to have life take a drastic turn to the surreal in a split second; tends to make one a bit timid about future public excursions.

Staying home and not risking the “sane mask” falling off in the middle of a PTA meeting, for example, just seems like the safer option after having a few more than humbling experiences.

You find yourself being the one opting to send cookies to the meeting, instead of being the one running the committee. Then, after awhile, out of sight becomes out of mind; and no one asks you to send cookies anymore.

Being a “private person” in Hollywood, just sounds better than the suburban “hermit or recluse”…in reality, both are the same. Locking yourself behind closed doors, either out of shame from the past, or to protect yourself or others from future “oopses” is another way bipolar likes to kill.
I call it self seclusion.
Not being able to trust your own judgment or emotions tends to do that to a person.
You learn the rule of thumb is: when you think things are going well, that must mean you look like a lunatic to everyone else.
So much for good judgment calls.

Bipolar can snuff out a life by turning a vibrant, get out there and do it all superwoman, into a shut-in.

I think the disease prefers this method of killing. It’s more efficient this way. It’s unstoppable when no one else can see the damage it’s doing to someone who has become isolated.

Bipolar is a devious little fucker . It takes you to the stars, then dumps you into the depths of hell, all while turning you into a “dead man walking”…be it by isolation or by way of the mind killing “cure” of the medications. It steals your life.
One way or another, it always seems to win.

Filed under: bipolar disorder, depression, isolation, life, mania, mental health, personal, psychology, suicide | Tagged: manic depression, mood swings

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