For anyone with PTSD, have you ever gotten hit with some really, unbelievable news from your past, and you initially thought it was amazing? Then, WHAM! A short time later, you’re now crushed under a dump truck, drowning you in the letters “P” “T” “S” “D” “F” “B” (for those unaware, F and B are for Flashbacks.)
I guess we could add loads more “D’s” for Dissociation, some “C’s” for crying. Oh, to hell with it! Drown us all in the entire alphabet. We’ll be too far gone to know what letter we’re holding anyway!
Well, here I’ve been for several days now. I’m fairly sure it’s even worse with my Dissociative Amnesia. I can’t remember diddly from my childhood, teen years, even early adult ones…longer?
I recently found out a goldmine (and it is!) of information about bio-dad. It’s too much to get into at the moment. I think there may be more I can find from my mother. I was given what I have now from her.
But yeah. After a couple of days, boy did I crash!
I don’t know how I feel today. I slept late. I’m becoming quite the lucid dreamer. That’s one reason. The other is rest. Another is that I don’t want to face the world, with the sun smirking down at me, wearing a know-it-all expression on its face.
It’s also a round ball. That means you can see its face everywhere. That certainly doesn’t help either, does it?
I am doing only one thing today (which I’d better do now or I won’t make it–than I’ll be MAD for finally trying to do it!!!)
I have to walk just a couple of blocks to get bloods and an X-ray done for Gastro Man. I hope they can get back to him fast! My appt. with him is on the 5th. “PFH” (aka Pneumonia From Hell) meant my blood was too toxic. Pretty much so with two hospitalizations about it.
Anyway, MP3 of the Moment is in trouble. I need to find another way to ftp tunes up. Server Boy no longer providing server. I’ll go back to doing it old school.
I certainly don’t need to dredge up my evil small town where this ties into this as well. I have had some dreams. There’s more “dredging” though, isn’t there. Always.