I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Nothing special, nothing really going on, just that these days I look forward to the next day with anticipation. It’s so different from the way things used to be.
These days I really enjoy my days. My husband and I laugh, because the high point of our days is dinner. Not much, is it? lol But it’s just being able to sit down together and enjoy a meal, even if it’s just hot dogs and baked beans. It’s nice. No drama, no chaos. Like I said, enjoyable.
Not like the old days, when everything was drama and chaos. I couldn’t look forward to the next day, because I was so busy with my hands full of “today,” I didn’t know what to do!
That’s what bipolar disorder can do to your life. Turn it upside down, where everything is out of control. That was the worst part of it, I think – the out of control part.
In AA we talk about our lives being unmanageable, and I think that says it best. My life became totally unmanageable, because my bipolar disorder was managing me and not the other way around, like it is today.
It was all I could do just to get through a day somewhat intact, without killing myself (and I wanted to do that plenty of times).
I sure didn’t want to look forward to the next day, because I thought it would be just another day of more of the same thing, and I sure didn’t want that. It was so discouraging. And so depressing.
Which, of course, was the problem. I would go into horrible depressive episodes, one day leading into the next with no change in my down mood. I couldn’t even get out of bed half the time. What did I have to look forward to?
Finally getting diagnosed was like a miracle for me. Whereas I couldn’t see anything but darkness day after day, once I was on medication, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Out of control gradually became under control, and I started being able to manage my bipolar disorder and, thus, my life. What a difference the medication made!
Therapy helped a lot, too. I began to deal with the issues surrounding my bipolar disorder, and began to experience some actual peace and serenity in my life. Praise the Lord!
Now, of course, I still experience peace and serenity in my life and have enjoyed stability for a long time. I still give medication a great deal of the credit for that.
I do look forward to each day and to tomorrow for another day of peace, serenity, and stability.
If you are having trouble with looking forward to the next day with anticipation, perhaps there is a problem with your medication, and you might want to get that checked out.