Almost Two and a half days without sleep. Well, not quite right. I actually got one whole hour and ten minutes. Wow wee!
I cannot sleep. I toss and turn. I get up, I get out of bed. I make myself a glass of milk, warming it in the microwave. I lie back down in bed, counting sheep. and in my dreams, they all look like Shaun, from Wallace and Gromit. Cute little guys. Then my bladder acts up, I go to the bathroom to rid the milk, and try to lie down again. To no avail. I turn on the radio to relax- and try the sheep again. Listen to the cat snore. Become one with the universe. Breathe in and out. It's one am.
I am still doing this at four am. I am still doing this at six am. I wake up at seven ten am. I cannot go back to sleep. Unlike most mania, my thoughts aren't racing. But I am sick to my stomach. My head feels like Hannibal's elephants are crossing the Alps in there. Not baby elephant's- big bull elephants, and pregnant elephants. I have a fever of 101, my hands are shaking, my whole body is shaking. If I don't get some sleep, I am going to switch to manic. And, if I go to manic, in the last three years, I will go from hypomanic, to full blown manic, to psychotic. I'm going to think I am Wonder Woman, only I wish I looked as good as Lynda Carter in the leotard, (too short in the leg department) and had a golden lasso to tie up the guy I have a crush on. Wrrrowwwrrr!
I am going to suggest something to put me to sleep, which is, well, not quite kosher. Short of asking someone to take Maxwell's Silver Hammer and gently bop it on my head so I can sleep for 12 hours- I don't use sleeping pills. They knock me out, but I don't stay asleep. I usually get up an hour or so later. Same with Benzos. So I bought some Benedryl. I am very sleepy as I write this. It works in a pinch- when in Rome, no?
But the thing is, it will stop me from going off to mania. And that is the important thing. After suffering from this illness more than half my life, I think I know what to do and what signs to look for. I know I cannot lapse into that- it's caustic and can be deadly. So an ounce of prevention-