JOURNAL: Venting and marraige and babies and I'm being a girl...
Posted Aug 24 2009 11:05am
okay... this is going to be an incredibly "girly" post in which i vent about how everyone on their sister is getting married, having children, or both.
this is my "special" time of the month and i guess my hormones are a path of destruction. i am so sick and tired of hearing how people are so bloody happy and shit getting married, or getting pregnant, or popping out kids, or having kids with birthdays, etc etc etc. i mean, yes, i am happy for them, but for crying out loud man, not all of us are in the same happy love filled disgusting little boat.
yeah, you could say i'm pretty jealous of them. that sounds about right.
i'm not sure if it is made better or worse that i have a someone over yonder on the other side of this country who i would like to do these things with and sure once i move back out that way next spring we will begin things again and see where it goes... but not having that NOW and having those feelings for the someone is a real bitch and then everyone else and their mom is all happy and lovey dovey and my hormones are insane and wow i am being a giant GIRL. i need to stop this.
i am not a whiny girl person. i don't want people or relationships the way most girls do. never have. i'm too much of an independent ass. but........ this time is a little different. fooey.
i'm stressed and stuff and it's been a rough going here for a little bit and how i SO BADLY want someone to hold me and hug me and support me. and i watch TV and see people on their sharing love and hugging and holding each other and kisses and it makes me so damn lonely and wanting that stuff with a someone, in particular the someone far away. which he is not into the idea of a long distance relationship which i'm thining is the smart route to go here but.... i don't know. why am i being such a GIRL rght now?!?!
i guess it happens to all of us. i need to stop whining about it. everyone gets lonely. it happends. it's a fact of life.
besides, i have to stop being a sensitive Sally and put my game face on, i have to go into work at 4-5am and kick some ass, which will result in this one chick getting fired hopefully by next week because she is terrible at her job and i'm awesome so i'm doing her job while she is on vacation so that the two managers can give proof to the store manager that she really sucks (by comparing the productive level and numbers from my week there with her usual weekly average) and then they can move her out of that spot.
so i need to put my game face on and get into my cold hearted ass alpha female mode that i am more comfortable in anyhow. i do better as a confident people-eater than this sensitive Sally crap i'm experiencing right now. this isn't any good at all.
so i'm going to make some coffee, do my make up so i feel pretty, and then i may even take a picture and post it! hahaha just because i am such a fan of how makeup can transform a face :) i LOVE it. plus since i have been yanking out my eyelashes (idiot, i know) i have to stealthy put fake ones on in such a way and keep them trimmed down so that nobody can notice because i don't want to be a fake jackass with fake eyelashes bc i'm nuts and pull mine out. super.