Goodness. I am having such a hard time right now. Just thinking about this stupid paper that is due and how much longer I will need to work on it and thinking about having to tutor this girl in biopsych tomorrow, go to class (which I haven't read the chapters yet for because I have been doing this stupid paper), then work, then home... I start to freak out. My heart is racing and pounding and I feel like the floor has dropped out from under me. I feel like I am falling down an endless black hole, similar to Alice in Wonderland. I try to grasp on to something to hold me stable but anything I reach for slips through my fingers like grains of sand. My mind is almost paralyzed with panic and I am having trouble thinking. I cannot put my thoughts into words, let alone sentences, in my paper. I reread the same sentence over and over and cannot process the letters dancign across the screen. And then my sister intrudes my pseudo-concentration with questions about her own research paper, such as "how do I cite this?" when I have already sent her a link to the APA formatting. Her constant poking at me with these questions is adding to my stess laden mind. I feel I may either busrt or deflate, all at once. Her questions are so basic and for being in a 400 level class she really should not be asking me this... especially when I am about to lose my mind all on my own. Yes I know journal articles are hard to understand the first few times you work with them... BUT if she has begun this project prior to two days before it is due... then I may have additional patience. But not right now. You can't galavant around town and screw off, then expect me to hold your hand through your assignment. But she is having a rough time, and I am expected to hold her hand. It drives me nuts. Yes she had a traumatic experience a couple years ago and yes she has never really put her life back together since then, but for heaven's sake, at least *try* to help yourself. Put in the effort and I don't mind helping. But coming in at the last minute and being totally unprepared makes me angry. I buckle down and get it done, I sacrifice my free time and fun things to kick ass at school, and I expect the same from others if they in turn seek my help. I don't think I am being selfish here. But, she did have her traumatic experience, so here I am biting my tongue and somehoe managing to control the flipping out rage and irritability coursing through my veins and pateintly pointing her in the right directions for her paper. I know, it could be worse, so I need not complain. But I also need to vent, I am human, and I do not have any people I can vent to other than here.
Thank you all for listening.
I feel badly for her. She is not as mentally tough as I am and not as hardened and able to handle things. Not that I always handle stuff in the most constructive way, but I am tough and keep plowing ahead. Nothing stops me. She gives up. And there isn't anything I can do to help her because these are all things she needs to learn on her own. Jeebus help me if I try to give her help or pointers in managing stress and whatnot. She goes ape-shit.
Thank you all for listening.
I feel badly for her. She is not as mentally tough as I am and not as hardened and able to handle things. Not that I always handle stuff in the most constructive way, but I am tough and keep plowing ahead. Nothing stops me. She gives up. And there isn't anything I can do to help her because these are all things she needs to learn on her own. Jeebus help me if I try to give her help or pointers in managing stress and whatnot. She goes ape-shit.