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Is Pain Contagious?

Posted Jan 23 2009 12:00am

They say “Misery Loves Company.”  How does Irony fit in?

I met a man last night in the deathly New Year’s Eve Seizure Pub.  It appears I have a three-pint cut off now but no one was paying attention to that as my newly found friend kept ordering and ordering for me.  However we had something to eat, too.

I feel like shit today.  I know he does as well after I read his email not long ago.  That’s why I ask the question: Is Pain Contagious? In our shared madnesses are we so driven to do such ridiculous things that affect other people without any forethought? Well, yes.  At least in one way.  It’s called being an addict.

So, here’s your list of Irony:

  • Also Gay
  • Affiliated (Completely) with the “Weird Back to School Program”
  • Nutcase (dx MDD) has been hospitalized once
  • Addict (Crack)

Hmmm…I guess that’s it? He also seemed kind of AD(H)D to me as we were fighting for conversation space and interrupting each other and…  Of course we reviewed all of that with me and my Bipolar and my…

He was so reluctant to share things with me in the beginning but later on he asked to hold my hands as we talked and as he squeezed them, his eyes were closed so tightly that I could almost feel the battle he was fighting.  I had asked him earlier if he was clean.  He said…well…no…not really…  He was fighting the battle with me that night just to not go out and score.  That night alone.

Oh, did I fail to mention that this man is working on his Ph.D.?

Addiction doesn’t discriminate.

I was a fucking asshole to someone last night so if you are reading this, I apologize.  It won’t take my actions back and this is the second time that I have done something similar with you.  What can I blame it on…too much to drink? The mutual exchange of pain that went on that evening (no wonder I wanted to keep drinking!) I was triggered by his pain and then it opened the floodgates to my own? And yes, it did. A few Bipolar Triggery Jolts?

There is only the impulsive action where nothing else in the world matters–only what is in my head, right in that moment, right in that immediacy.  It doesn’t matter how that impulsivity comes about, be it the diagnosis or the drink; that’s just the delivery method.  So again, I am so very sorry.

I always say these things are the reasons but not the excuse.  People must step up and take responsibility for their actions when they do harm, cause distress, break the law…whatever it may be due to their mental illnesses (and yes, addiction is a form of illness, not a character flaw people, don’t make me have to keep repeating myself.)

As I said above: Addiction doesn’t discriminate.  I guess it’s time for me to take some responsibility?

“Hi…I’m PA and I’m an Alcoholic…”

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