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I forgot...

Posted Feb 02 2010 7:15pm
...what I sat down here to write. I totally forgot.
Actually, I think it may be more of an issue where I have so much shit that I have been meaning to write over the past few days that I cannot pick one out of my head right now.

Let's try.

1. I definitely bitched-out at the doctor office last week and didn't say jack about my guts, the eating issues, or the fact it takes poop-pills for me to drop a deuce. It was a nurse practitioner and I just was not feeling the whole situation.

2. I have an interview tomorrow with a lady from Texas A&M Neuroscience PhD program. Holy balls. We are using this Skype thing, video chat from what I gather. I'm actually waiting for the damn thing to set up my account right now.

3. I really don't like anyone. I swear to whatever higher being there is, they are all idiots. Basically this dude, I messed around with him (we've been friends for a while) and whatnot, he gets back together with this chick he was engaged to even though he's not too fond of her, and writes all over her facebook wall and crap how he loves her. This whole thing is hard to explain, what I am getting at is that while he is with her he is still interested in hooking up with me a whatever, and then tells her he loves her, and seriously... I don't get people. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened where dudes that are definitely in relationships want to do the nasty. There's this guy at work, engaged, and totally willing to do nice things to my girl parts with his mouth and whatnot. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?!?!?! There are many more, but I don't frankly feel like delving into that crap. At any rate, people suck, and how the frik can I allow myself to trust someone else when these chicks totally trust their dudes yet they are wanting to rail me on the side??? I continue to lose my faith in the general population. It's pathetic.

4. I came across old letters and emails my mom had saved and somehow these things ended up in my files cabinet, so when I was cleaning my file cabinet out I found them. Well I am a moron so I flipped through them. Long story short, I read the last thing my jerkoff father wrote me, the last email my exhusband wrote me before I filed for divorce (he was stationed with the USMC and not local; I left him due to the fact he was a self-ish jackass (not unlike my father) who wasn't quite capable of loving anyone but himself and didn't quite get the concept of monogamy. At any rate, the two letters were SO FREAKING SIMILAR with regard to the context, the phrasing, and especially how they twisted things around so they were the victim and it was my fault. It was eerie to see such a striking similarity between the two. Then I came across an email I sent my mom when I was packing to move from the state I lived in with my boyfriend at the time (only other dude I've loved aside from the exhubs) back to the home state and I was a mess about it because I didn't want to leave him, but I couldn't stay there and I decided I wanted change and my "gut" told me I needed to move back home, blah blah blah) and when I wrote this I was so sad about leaving him and it really sucked ass and so being mentally transported back to the room I was sitting in when I wrote that sucked ass. I only got through two lines and then folded it up. So that's not helping my mood.

5. I'm super behind in my school work. I should be doing that instead of typing and whining like a baby. Basically, I don't like me right now. And I am disgusted by my body. And I am not too super feeling in general. Wah wah wah wah wah. Woe is me. I really need to stop bitching about shit.





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