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I AM Still Bipolar

Posted Sep 11 2009 2:16pm
I read something recently that talked about "having Bipolar Illness" as opposed to BEING Bipolar. It talked about "living with Bipolar" much in the way people who are HIV positive "live with HIV."

I still reject the statement. I AM still Bipolar, and so are they.

I know, I know. People are going to argue with me and reject me until the cows come home. Of course I have my own retort. I have never said that Bipolar is the only thing I am, nor the only thing they are. Here is a big point: I am a Mom. Do I only say "I have children"? Hell no. I take great pride in saying "I AM a Mom." I am also a "a wife." I am "a woman." When I worked I was a "title of my occupation." (Sorry, not gonna say what that was. I still want some anonymity here.) I am "PolarBabe." LOL I am a lot of things. I am a multifaceted individual and so is everyone else. Now I suppose someone could argue that someone with cancer doesn't say "I am cancer." Very true. But many types of cancer can be cured. Just because they aren't always cured, there is a chance. And those forms that can't be, there is the hope that one day a cure will be found. Ergo...it isn't the same. Similarly, I can accept a person with HIV saying "I have HIV." Those of us who have no hope of being cured, well we're just fucked in that regard, and we ARE what we are. But again, it's not all that we are and we just need to get over it.

Labels, labels, labels. Stigma, stigma, stigma. Whine, whine, whine. Stop railing against reality. We live with our disadvantages, everyone who is disadvantaged in one way or another. Those who are courageous enough find a way to stand up and say something and advocate for those who live with prejudice of others. The truly brave fight against it. Others just bitch and moan and want others to pity them and just waaaaah stop it, stop it, stop it. Or...they tell themselves the little sunshiney things that make them feel oh so much better. I can't do that. I have to face my reality and not sugar coat things for myself to make it more palatable. Do what ya gotta do, I guess. But don't ask me for my opinion because I'm not going to bullshit you. Well, maybe I will humor you and think otherwise. I am not really as obnoxious as I seem.

One thing I have always said is the easiest lies to believe are the ones we tell ourselves. We are most severely betrayed by...ourselves. Once I realized this, I have tried to be as honest with myself as I possibly can. I'm not always successful. Probably still less often than I succeed. Nevertheless it is always my mission. Consequently, when it comes to being Bipolar, I'm not going to pull any punches with myself. I may not be at the point where I am gonna embrace and have a love fest with it, but I have to accept it for what it is. How else am I going to do the things I need to do achieve a level of health and stay that way? To manage it? No, I shouldn't say IT. MINE. I own this shit. It's me and I accept it. Just like everything ELSE THAT I AM.
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