Should I do this chronologically? I’m so confused!!!
Well, let’s just start off with the fact that I’m sick. It’s just some stupid, viral infection or something. But let me tell you, it’s giving me a real ass kickin’! Whoo, boy! I woke up this morning and I was so out of it, I didn’t even realize what was wrong with me! It took me ages to finally clue in. Wait a sec’…you’ve got a bit of a cough…your sinuses…stuffy…oh, here come the chills!
At least I remembered to take my meds. I forgot to do that yesterday. I did finally take them late in the afternoon.
Okay. Clearly, I am not doing this is any proper order! Not even “Reverse Chronological!” Perhaps I’ll just type along and see where I (and you, my lucky readers!) land.
So when I woke up this morning, not being able to rub two brain cells together, I thought the reason was due to stress about seeing Merlin #2 tomorrow. I haven’t seen him in a fair while. As such, we have a lot to talk about. I am anxious about it, I am. That is because a lot of confusion has been going on beyond this mere 24 hours!
I realized I definitely needed to make “a list!” Actually, I do this for just about all of my doctor’s appts. because my head and body are so redonculous! There is always so much to discuss. Problem. I couldn’t find something that was Absolutely Crucial!!! I had written it down in one of my 1,000 notepads that I have laying all around. I kept flipping through every page, over and over (of the notebooks that I could find.) WHERE WAS THE PAGE!!!
ASIDE: I’ve probably left some thing(s?) off the list in my confusion.
I was close to the point where I wanted to strangle myself. I almost did when folding my sheets the other day, and miraculously I didn’t. Now that they are (reasonably), miraculously folded, to unfold them would have been a shame. It was fine, though. I found the page. Confusion Dispelled! Or at least one element of it within this 24 hour period.
The reason this page was so vital, is that it has to do with a referral to a Therapist. Fuck. Now, it is not so much that I am that “therapy resistant,” I’m just not good at it! I know I really need to do this, however. I really do. But I’m so confused about it! Especially because of something I was reading last night.
I really wish I wasn’t so “smart,” you know? Well, that’s debatable. I’m going to say that anyway, because I also want to say: “…ignorance is bliss…?”
I had one of those “Aha!” moments. Yes. It was bad. But it was also good? It was confusing!!!
Let’s hope that Merlin #2 knows this Therapist well. I am certainly going to ask. You can bet on that! Not to mention, I’ve looked at certain therapies that I think would suit me best since I don’t do so well with it–and due to the nature of my “issues.” I don’t need anymore confusion.