Higher self-esteem but less focus: symptom of mania?

I lost sleep this weekend. And now, today, I find myself lost in a sea of browser tabs. I’ve started two new blogs in the past 48 hours. I have four new short stories going. While I feel very grateful to not feel, as I have the past two weeks, like a complete waste of space (I’ve just recently resigned from a terrible job … thankfully have a new one to move onto), I also feel overstimulated and unable to focus.  It’s strange how my ‘happiness’ often stems from this strung out, over-caffeinated, sleep-deprived version of myself. I would do so much better if self-esteem came when I were more focused. When I’m more focused and more concentrated, I’m often depressed. That said, I guess I can get very involved in projects when I’m manic, but often those projects are quite inconsequential. Like I want to draw hundreds of circles for hours. Or work on a blog (as I’m doing today) that I will probably have no interest in next week.

It’s something to note, and to work on, I guess.  I wonder if other people have this same experience?

And, since it’s on my mind, I should note here how grateful I am to have a job, especially in light of the incredible OWS movement shedding light on all of the people willing to take a stand against our broken system. Talk about focused energy. While the internet has helped magnify and enable this protest, nothing can replace people taking over a physical space. It means coming out from behind the matrix of these monitors and actually doing something. I know that we do get something accomplished here on the internet, but sometimes it does feel like it’s essential to step away from the pixels before you can really make a point.