When your world seems strange and you’ve lost your sense of self, you’ll be hard pressed finding a name for your affliction. But there is one “Depersonalization Disorder”, and it’s nothing new”.. ……….
I never really woke up today. My body got up. My body went thru the normal routine of showering, making bed, eating breakfast and so forth. But, my brain was not present during these activities. I had a “outta body” experience today. Totally on auto-pilot all day. As a matter of fact, my robot self is typing this post.
Before I knew what these episodes were, they scared me to death. I was afraid that the mind/body connection was lost forever.. I would wonder how I would be able to go thru days, weeks, years of not feeling. Just being numb. After, I finally had the condition identified by a doctor and did internet research, I was relieved to find out that it is a temporary condition. The fact that it strikes with no warning, however, sucks. And, not knowing what triggers my brain to disassociate from my body is unsettling. The complete lack of emotion is disturbing. Although, I am sure that there are times when this would be a neat condition to have. Like….funerals, at the dentist, when stuck with somebody you don’t like in a social situation, etc.
But, in everyday life…….this is a crappy way to live. No feeling…..just numbness.
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I never really woke up today. My body got up. My body went thru the normal routine of showering, making bed, eating breakfast and so forth. But, my brain was not present during these activities. I had a “outta body” experience today. Totally on auto-pilot all day. As a matter of fact, my robot self is typing this post.
Before I knew what these episodes were, they scared me to death. I was afraid that the mind/body connection was lost forever.. I would wonder how I would be able to go thru days, weeks, years of not feeling. Just being numb. After, I finally had the condition identified by a doctor and did internet research, I was relieved to find out that it is a temporary condition. The fact that it strikes with no warning, however, sucks. And, not knowing what triggers my brain to disassociate from my body is unsettling. The complete lack of emotion is disturbing. Although, I am sure that there are times when this would be a neat condition to have. Like….funerals, at the dentist, when stuck with somebody you don’t like in a social situation, etc.
But, in everyday life…….this is a crappy way to live. No feeling…..just numbness.
Filed under: bipolar disorder, friends, life, life problems, mental health, personal, psychology