Alright, then. Let’s clear up the metaphors and let me get some (I won’t get into all of the stuff that comes out of your ass anymore) out of my system. ‘Nuff said there and about bodily functions in that area in my comment sections/preceding posts?
So yesterday, I went to the job “fix me up, dust me off” sort of place that I stumbled upon. Indeed, it was truly exhausting. A couple of reasons? Now how’s this for a nice start to it all? I was anxious as all hell, not only because of my current situation, so I got very little sleep the night before. Another reason? I went to set my alarm clock and bloody hell? I discovered it was broken! OMG! OMG! OMG! My only recourse was to rely upon my mobile. I set the alarm and then realised that it only had one little battery cell left. OMG! OMG! OMG! I mean, it was time for me to go to bed! I didn’t have time to even attempt to charge it because I didn’t even have any alarm to get me up to make sure it had enough charge to make sure the alarm on it would go off!!!
Fucking Keystone Cops with my clocks or what???
I called ex-partner. She could give me a wake up call before leaving for work, right? Definitely a good idea. I couldn’t reach her so I just left a message. (Aside: she sent me a text the next day and I found out that she is now on vacation and out of the country anyway! Granted she could have called me from her mobile but obviously she didn’t get the message on her home phone until later.)
So, I finally get to sleep but I keep waking up and looking at the time on my bed side clock (at least THAT was still working on the damn thing) and picking up my mobile, almost cradling it like it was my newborn child! Good grief. Well, my mobile’s little alarm clock went off and I was fine.
Okay. Get up, shower, do my hair *rolls eyes* and select appropriate business suit. Check time. Enough for public transit and to not be late? Being Ms. ADD girl, sometimes an issue? And all AD(H)D’ers know this. Time escapes us so lateness can certainly be a problem…? No worries. I made it in fine time. Maybe my Biphentin has been doing me some good in this area?
The day was long. And with it being my first day, I knew not what to expect! Granted, with getting up so early and dressed all fancy, it almost felt like I was going to work. That’s kind of a good thing? Still, it just seemed all weird and not knowing anything about anything there; it was a lot to take in.
The woman I dealt with was very nice and even though I agreed to come back in today, she understood that everything was overwhelming, tough to lose a job and all of that (I think we’ve covered that enough, right?) So, she said that if I felt that I couldn’t, it was fine. Okay. I called and left a message last night to be courteous and professional, of course. Still, I felt like a failure and…oh, here we go…a piece of shit.
Now, there was something else that kind of added to it. I said I wasn’t going to blog anymore about my former workplace and have I blogged about my job here? Really? Why the hell would I? For one, this blog is anonymous and secondly…my job? BORING! I suppose a third reason is that even though I write about my personal life at times, the primary focus is about stuff going on in my/your/peoples’ head(s.)
Anyway, I checked my personal email address and there was a note from my former company about a work function. Huh? I mean, it really knocked me for six!
I immediately emailed my former boss and asked, “What’s this all about?” To make a “short story long,” it was explained that I was still invited even though I no longer worked there. Again…no point in getting into my former or even current work life in the future…BORING!
I had a good email chat with my former boss and it was known by my former boss that I never got a chance to say goodbye to a lot of people so I asked…should I go? My former boss thought it might be a good idea as I would probably see some people and get a chance to talk to them. Beyond that, I also had a lovely talk with my former boss and it…it just made me feel like I was “at home” again. Not that the contact was bad in any way. No, it was great! It was all just…well, again…a little shocking.
So basically, because of my exhausting day, the thoughts of my former workplace and such…I just didn’t know if I could handle going in to the “fix me up” place today. God, I can only hope I don’t break down in tears at any given moment while I am there! No, must maintain a professional demeanor at all times!
I feel so pathetic. I suppose this business is all understandable and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I am seeing Merlin #1 on Friday so talking to him about things will perhaps help? I just feel completely all spun around. I feel like, again, some coping skills are going down the toilet.
I’ve got to get my shit together. I’ve got to find a fucking job! Perhaps I should just keep forcing myself to keep going to “fix me up” place. Use that as my routine, the stability that I’ve always needed.
Today, though? What the fuck has happened? I’m just a complete wreck. And I just popped a goddamn Valium/Diazepam to maybe settle me? My moods are all well, not good, my stomach is hurting, I’m completely discombobulated in my thinking processes. I mean, how long has it even taken me to put together this post (barring a couple of tea breaks–and I want another right now as I’m still not done proofing this.)
I’m just sitting here not being able to stand myself right now! I want so much to kick my brain into action, maybe not high gear just yet but I can’t. Something feels broken but not the entire thing. No. All of my money is on the Amygdala in my Limbic System (oddly enough neuro thought I had problems there anyway…) as I’m all flipped out and scared and freaking. Also, absolutely my Frontal Lobes because I can’t think straight at all.
Alright, then. Let’s clear up the metaphors and let me get some (I won’t get into all of the stuff that comes out of your ass anymore) out of my system. ‘Nuff said there and about bodily functions in that area in my comment sections/preceding posts?
So yesterday, I went to the job “fix me up, dust me off” sort of place that I stumbled upon. Indeed, it was truly exhausting. A couple of reasons? Now how’s this for a nice start to it all? I was anxious as all hell, not only because of my current situation, so I got very little sleep the night before. Another reason? I went to set my alarm clock and bloody hell? I discovered it was broken! OMG! OMG! OMG! My only recourse was to rely upon my mobile. I set the alarm and then realised that it only had one little battery cell left. OMG! OMG! OMG! I mean, it was time for me to go to bed! I didn’t have time to even attempt to charge it because I didn’t even have any alarm to get me up to make sure it had enough charge to make sure the alarm on it would go off!!!
Fucking Keystone Cops with my clocks or what???
I called ex-partner. She could give me a wake up call before leaving for work, right? Definitely a good idea. I couldn’t reach her so I just left a message. (Aside: she sent me a text the next day and I found out that she is now on vacation and out of the country anyway! Granted she could have called me from her mobile but obviously she didn’t get the message on her home phone until later.)
So, I finally get to sleep but I keep waking up and looking at the time on my bed side clock (at least THAT was still working on the damn thing) and picking up my mobile, almost cradling it like it was my newborn child! Good grief. Well, my mobile’s little alarm clock went off and I was fine.
Okay. Get up, shower, do my hair *rolls eyes* and select appropriate business suit. Check time. Enough for public transit and to not be late? Being Ms. ADD girl, sometimes an issue? And all AD(H)D’ers know this. Time escapes us so lateness can certainly be a problem…? No worries. I made it in fine time. Maybe my Biphentin has been doing me some good in this area?
The day was long. And with it being my first day, I knew not what to expect! Granted, with getting up so early and dressed all fancy, it almost felt like I was going to work. That’s kind of a good thing? Still, it just seemed all weird and not knowing anything about anything there; it was a lot to take in.
The woman I dealt with was very nice and even though I agreed to come back in today, she understood that everything was overwhelming, tough to lose a job and all of that (I think we’ve covered that enough, right?) So, she said that if I felt that I couldn’t, it was fine. Okay. I called and left a message last night to be courteous and professional, of course. Still, I felt like a failure and…oh, here we go…a piece of shit.
Now, there was something else that kind of added to it. I said I wasn’t going to blog anymore about my former workplace and have I blogged about my job here? Really? Why the hell would I? For one, this blog is anonymous and secondly…my job? BORING! I suppose a third reason is that even though I write about my personal life at times, the primary focus is about stuff going on in my/your/peoples’ head(s.)
Anyway, I checked my personal email address and there was a note from my former company about a work function. Huh? I mean, it really knocked me for six!
I immediately emailed my former boss and asked, “What’s this all about?” To make a “short story long,” it was explained that I was still invited even though I no longer worked there. Again…no point in getting into my former or even current work life in the future…BORING!
I had a good email chat with my former boss and it was known by my former boss that I never got a chance to say goodbye to a lot of people so I asked…should I go? My former boss thought it might be a good idea as I would probably see some people and get a chance to talk to them. Beyond that, I also had a lovely talk with my former boss and it…it just made me feel like I was “at home” again. Not that the contact was bad in any way. No, it was great! It was all just…well, again…a little shocking.
So basically, because of my exhausting day, the thoughts of my former workplace and such…I just didn’t know if I could handle going in to the “fix me up” place today. God, I can only hope I don’t break down in tears at any given moment while I am there! No, must maintain a professional demeanor at all times!
I feel so pathetic. I suppose this business is all understandable and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I am seeing Merlin #1 on Friday so talking to him about things will perhaps help? I just feel completely all spun around. I feel like, again, some coping skills are going down the toilet.
I’ve got to get my shit together. I’ve got to find a fucking job! Perhaps I should just keep forcing myself to keep going to “fix me up” place. Use that as my routine, the stability that I’ve always needed.
Today, though? What the fuck has happened? I’m just a complete wreck. And I just popped a goddamn Valium/Diazepam to maybe settle me? My moods are all well, not good, my stomach is hurting, I’m completely discombobulated in my thinking processes. I mean, how long has it even taken me to put together this post (barring a couple of tea breaks–and I want another right now as I’m still not done proofing this.)
I’m just sitting here not being able to stand myself right now! I want so much to kick my brain into action, maybe not high gear just yet but I can’t. Something feels broken but not the entire thing. No. All of my money is on the Amygdala in my Limbic System (oddly enough neuro thought I had problems there anyway…) as I’m all flipped out and scared and freaking. Also, absolutely my Frontal Lobes because I can’t think straight at all.