Now since I have a rather obliterated memory from childhood due to trauma this was indeed a bit challenging. So I decided, in order to help myself along a little bit, I’d create a theme. I’d make it a group of “firsts.” I wanted to write about them in chronological order as I a little obsessive-compulsive like that but I really need to save the last one for…well last. Because I find it rather funny. You may or may not. But I’ve always said I am not averse to publicly humiliating myself on my own blog so whatever.
1. First Cigarette: I was eight years old. I had a friend whose mother smoked and one day, she decided to steal one from her Mom’s pack. She asked me if I wanted to try it. Now I was terminally naive, gullible, curious–all of these things. I still am. I believe she had smoked before. She seemed like a pro! I took the lit cigarette and yes, actually inhaled and *cough cough*…but it wasn’t that bad actually. A little strange but I didn’t feel sick or anything. We continued to puff away every now and then until she got caught nicking the cigs and then, that was that. But a couple of years later, I think she started stealing them again so we started smoking again. Not regularly of course! Just every once in a while…
I’ve smoked on and off throughout my life but mostly on. I’m not really a heavy smoker. I’ll probably quit one of these days.
2. First Job: I’ve always had a very strong work ethic. I’ve pretty much worked and had an income for as long as I can remember in some sort of capacity. This one kicked it all off. I was 10 and I had a paper route. It was good because it was an evening delivery. I had terrible sleep arousal problems as a child (and a teenager) so a morning route would have been impossible.
I remember coming home from school and seeing the bundle tied neatly at the end of the curb. I would carry it in and find some scissors to release them and then pack them into my cloth paper carrying sack, swing it over my shoulder and across my body and trek off into my “working world.” I used a punch and cards for the collection of fees and might get the odd tip from a subscriber–usually only around Christmas time. It was a dirty job. I would come home my clothes and hands filthy black from the newspaper ink.
3. First Pet: We always had cats in the house as my mother loves them. We had one dog once. When I was about 15, my sister and her soon-to-be husband (now ex-husband…) had a cat and she had a litter of kittens–unexpectedly. They were trying to find homes for them and asked me if I wanted one. Of course! So I selected my mewling kitten from the brood, a striped little orange male and named him Rufus which means “red headed or haired.” Now apparently I had made a bad choice? Rufus lived up to the stereotype of having a rather fiery temper and being a bit crazy. He would lie innocently enough on my chest for a while and then suddenly turn into “vampire kitten!” Ouch. He was a real terror. Kittens normally have boundless energy but he was unimaginable. One day, he got outside and never came back. Bye Rufus.
4. First Attempt At University: This is actually a first within a first. While I went away to university for the first time (i.e. I have basically “dropped out” or not finished uni. three times now) I was stung by a bee for the first time. Yikes! Actually, it wasn’t an extremely bad a feeling. Kind of like a really bad needle injection.
So this was back in the day prior to all of this fancy technology and you had to run around and line up and sign up for your courses. And if they were full, you had to run around and find another line and hope you got into that one. So it was a warm fall day and I was in a T-shirt and shorts. I sat down to take a break on some steps. Well, I guess a bee had somehow managed to crawl inside my shorts and when I sat down…yep! Pretty much stung me right on my ass! Now you’d think that would be bad enough? Well, after I’d realized what happened and I saw the little bee who’d now lost it’s stinger sort of drunkenly meander out of my shorts to go off and die I sat there for a minute and…I started to feel a little funny. I started to feel kind of dizzy and my breathing became slightly laboured and I thought, oh shit…
I found the Nurse’s Office on campus and I told them what happened and that I wasn’t feeling quite right. The asked me to drop my shorts so they could have a look. They removed the stinger and applied something to me to soothe the affected area and just monitored me. I started to feel a bit better in about 20min. or so. I’ve been a little concerned about bees ever since. I’m not sure if I had a minor allergic reaction or not but I know that with successive stings they can get worse.
5. First Time Having Sexual Intercourse (i.e. Loss of Virginity): Okay, I know what you’re all thinking here. But I had to post about this because it came back to haunt me 10 years later and I really find it funny. And it’s also funny because I’m a dope. Now there are five other people involved so you have to kind of pay attention–and no, I did not lose my viginity with five people!
Alright so there is B. (male), C. (my cousin- female), JI (male), JII (male) and P. (female.)
I was on my way to visit my cousin, C. who lived a fair distance away from me. Now prior to that I had visited her and met B. During that visit, I had also met JI and P. They were all very nice. But during that visit, B. really flipped me out as he had expressed interest in me and kissed me. Now I was a total, introverted, loser, spaz as a teenager (and child.) I didn’t know what to do with that. So for this next visit, I was talking to B. on the phone and he was still expressing interest in me, telling me he missed me and all sorts of things and that he also had a “new girlfriend” and that “he knew I’d really like her…” Okay, remember #1? I said I was terminally naive and gullible? I thought he meant me!
So I arrive and I find out that he is actually dating my cousin C! I am mortified. I feel humiliated and stupid. They realize that something is wrong and I confess. They are supportive and say that actually, they have someone in mind for me–JI. Huh? So I am “set up” with JI. Now JI is nice and cute and all of that but he’s basically a total stranger. And I am just totally strange.
We had plans to go to “the city” to see The Cure that weekend. We were going to stay at JII’s home. Now JII had it really bad for P. But P. could not stand JII. So there we all were, three “nice little couples” partying it up at JII’s place (parents in absentia.) We were all pissed drunk and finally it’s time to go to bed. We are all somehow relegated off to our separate “couple bedrooms.” JI goes running off to B. “Do you have an extra condom?” I’m like…oh, so I guess this is it then?
It wasn’t that bad. I mean, it certainly wasn’t good but it wasn’t completely excrutiating, I suppose. JI rolled over and went to sleep. I stared at the ceiling for a long time. A lot of things were running through my mind. I guess I was glad to have it over with, peer pressure and all of that perhaps(?) but I felt lonely and confused. The bedroom was very cold too. It matched the way I felt inside. Cold.
The next morning I think everyone was hungover like hell. I don’t know what happened with JII and P.–if they had sex or not. All I know is that they weren’t really talking to each other so maybe they did!
JI and I kept in contact for a while but we lived so far away. We probably could have had a relationship were it not for that.
Now fast forward 10 years later. I had moved to “the city,” was dating a girl and was spending Christmas Eve at her parents’ house. They had an old family friend there who was with her daughter. They were talking about the girl’s older brother and his name started with a J… I turned to my, then, girlfriend and said, “What’s their last name again?” She told me. I said to her, “Come with me.”
We left the room and I asked her where they lived. What was the address. She told me and I started laughing. I asked her if she knew the layout of the home. She did and I said, do you know where this certain bedroom is in the home? Do you know whose it is? She said yes, it’s the daughter’s that you are speaking with who is here right now.
I told her the story of how, where, with whom, all the circumstances surrounding me losing my virginity. She laughed her head off. So yes, 10 years later, I inadvertently met the person in whose bed I lost my viginity. Over a very civilized Christmas Eve get together. And no, neither my, then, girlfriend nor I said a word about it! I just kept looking at the girl all night trying so hard not to laugh…
Alright…so who’s up next? Ah, I guess I’ll tag SeaSpray