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Episode III Recovery

Posted Sep 29 2008 9:12pm

There is a time when the moon is full and it shines at just the right angle.  If you go to a river and the water is rightfully still, you will see a masterful reflection.  The attenuated magic of the moment makes everything seem right in place.  In medication management for psychiatric patients, the goal does not liken itself to a masterful moment.  Oftentimes, hope is balanced with the reality of bringing quiet to the soul.  For me the medicine calms the noises in my head, keeps me from harming myself, and attracts me to making choices to live well.  One choice for me to live well, has and will always be therapy. Psychotherapy has given me the courage to go on.  I know without it, my journey with this illness would be altered and my prognosis poor.  With every episode, I always find my way back to it.  Cognitive behavioral-therapy, interpersonal therapy, exposure therapy, and psychoanalysis have been the mainstays of most of my adult life. 

Through my psychiatrist, I learned about the causes of my condition.  Her guidance has lessened the mystery being bipolar can ravage on a person’s health.  She has offered me helpful strategies to gain power over the ever changing twists of my disease.  Psychotherapy has helped me to cope. It has given me the tools to replace unhealthy distinctions of myself with more positive.  In the safety of a therapist, I can go back beyond my illness and uncover hidded damages to the child within.  I have learned for all the negative thoughts that bestill my mind, there needs to be replacements of positive ones.  When I am episodic my ability to perform this task is nullified. 

I found my most challenging recovery would come from this episode.  My moods had desolated my strength.  Waking up everyday wanting to die, going to sleep pondering how to die, seeing no end but death, creates a difficult task for even the most experienced therapist.  The therapist I used after this episode would connect with me in ways no other therapist had.  He was able to slowly bring me to the deep places of hurt, safely allow these to be revealed, and help me to replace the messages they gave with healthy alternatives. 

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