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Desensitization

Posted May 06 2011 9:52am

A hard process that I have to go through if I want to be completely over the hump. Desensitization is often used in therapy with people who have phobias. A process by which one learns to mitigate emotional reactions over a certain type of situation.

How am I using it at the moment? Let me explain. Clementine has a new ‘male friend’ which she even told me that it could become her boyfriend in the future. They are indeed what we could call the honeymoon of there new relationship where all that is share is nice and dandy.

This for me is kind of hard to swallow as I still love her deeply. But as I said in a previous post I must learn to let go and let her live what she needs to. (see Live and let live for further reference)

So, in order for me to be able to grow and not let this make me crash again I have to desensitize myself over this situation. I decided to treat it as if it was a phobia. Which by the way is very similar as every time she mentions his name my heart start racing and I am filled with a truck load of negative energy.

I therefore have started to look at his picture on Facebook a couple of times a day and try to control my emotions. I also look at the comments she posts on his wall doing exactly the same thing. This way, no one can be affected by a negative reaction of mine and I feel safe to do so gently without any interference.

So far so good, I see that I am making progress even if I am still at the very first steps into my desensitization. I also think its the only way she might come back. One good friend of mine said the only way to get her to want to come back is to let her go in the first place. Let her experience what she needs to. Clinging will only want to make her leave more. I believe she was right.

Do you think I am using desensitization in a good way?

What are your mechanism to deal with a situation like this?

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