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Depression/Mood Swings

Posted Aug 01 2009 12:00am
August 18th, 2009 at 5:48pm |

I have not been doing well. Since we have moved into the house, there have been problems. I am having trouble adjusting to the mess and poor living conditions.

The main problem is that there is junk everywhere and he thinks he can sell it all. That could take years and he still wouldn’t sell it all. I learned from doing yardsales that people don’t buy everything you have for sale. You end up packing it up and trying to sell it again later until finally you just give up and throw it away. But he won’t throw anything away and won’t let me throw anything away. This has been very frustrating.

Next is the dirt. There are rats in the kitchen which is in the basement. It is filthy. I can’t believe how much crud I had to scrub off the kitchen table. I can’t believe the way he lives. It is disgusting and it makes me think less of him.

We have electricity, but no water. There is a pipe leak under the ground that he has to dig up and fix. He has not done that yet. Next is getting the water turned on. He says he owes the city money and would have to pay them to get it turned on. We could put the water in my name but I may need to pay a deposit because of my bad credit.

I am trying to organize things and unpack but that is hard without much space to put things. I am trying to clean but that is hard without water. We get some water from my parents house in jugs to flush the toilet and drink. We are not washing the dishes. We are eating off plastic plates but still using pots to cook in. So those are piling up because they cannot be washed yet. We are taking showers at the Y.

I have been crying everyday. We have been fighting about the stuff. I want him to throw things away and he does not. He does not concede on things and has to do things his way. It could take a year or more to clean out that house before we can even begin to fix it up at the rate he is going. Are my parents really going to keep my son for a year? If that goes on for too long, his father might want custody. Not to mention my husband wants custody of his kids badly and can’t as long as he can’t provide sufficient living conditions for them. He’s keeping custody of his older son so far, but he’s away at boarding school. Still, my stepson’s mother is trying to get custody of him too and remove visitation rights of my stepdaughters.

Is the stuff really that important that it is worth losing his family over? He is losing his kids, it has brought him tons of legal trouble, and it’s causing fights with me. It is just material things, which the Bible says is not important. My husband claims to be a Christian but fails to learn this one very important lesson God is trying to teach him.

I called a friend from church today and asked her to pray for us and asked for advice. She said tell him the house has to be clean in order for you to live there. So I made a list of what needs to be done and told him:

Clean kitchen
Unpack kitchen items
Fix water leak
Turn on water
Take TV out of bedroom (it’s huge and it doesn’t work)
Get dresser(s)
And one more thing, I forgot

I asked him how long it will take to get these things done, again he said he didn’t know. It would be nice to have a timeline. Maybe I should give him a deadline.

I took a Klonopin today to calm down.

On a good note, I have a job interview on Monday. I hope I get the job.

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