How many times can you do something before people stop paying attention or stop caring?
Thinking about the amount of times I’ve told people I have been feeling suicidal. When do they stop taking me seriously?
Has it happened already?
I know I got a borderline personality diagnosis very quickly…was it then they stopped caring?
I’m thinking how many actual suicide attempts does it take? Do I actually have to die for them to say “oh yeah I guess she was being serious”.
I know myself having worked in mental health that people do become skeptical about whether the person means it, about their motives, about whether there is actually anything you can do to help.
I know in my personal life that sometimes I hear it so often that I feel like I’ve got to a point where I think “If they do it I’ll be sad but there’s nothing I can do so why care?”
I know this is really bad. I feel horrendously guilty about it. However, I know other people feel the same too when I feel crap for exmple the friend that walked out of my flat the minute my back was turned as they couldn’t deal with it.
It struck a chord in me and I felt really hurt at the time.
As much as I have wanted to die at times, sometimes you just want to be saved.
When did everyone get so cynical? When did I?
I’m not phased by death, not in the job that I have been doing. I came to realise people die and as a health worker unless you worked with them for a long time it’s just another person. You know that the people they have touched will be devastated but at the end of the day death is a part of life, it happens, what’s another person?
When I go I know I will not leave a big gap in the world where I have been, that’s ok I never aimed to make a mark. I am just another person among billions of others, really quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
I’m not suicidal. Well apart from maybe in my dreams but I can’t choose them.
Think I’ve got to a point where I don’t think I would tell anyone if I was. I’d just like to go quietly. I know I can’t be saved. In any sense of the world. Ok the inevitable can be postponed but it is an inevitability that I will at some point die, and the way things are going it will probably be by suicide. I accept that. My mate joked “If you hang yourself can I come to your suicide” Guess that is very telling. It was a joke and it was funny- her Mum didn’t think so. I am glad the person who made it realises it is a possibility and won’t be too shocked if it does happen.
I know I love people and am loved in return.
At the end of the day it doesn’t make any difference.
We all die.
How many times can you do something before people stop paying attention or stop caring?
Thinking about the amount of times I’ve told people I have been feeling suicidal. When do they stop taking me seriously?
Has it happened already?
I know I got a borderline personality diagnosis very quickly…was it then they stopped caring?
I’m thinking how many actual suicide attempts does it take? Do I actually have to die for them to say “oh yeah I guess she was being serious”.
I know myself having worked in mental health that people do become skeptical about whether the person means it, about their motives, about whether there is actually anything you can do to help.
I know in my personal life that sometimes I hear it so often that I feel like I’ve got to a point where I think “If they do it I’ll be sad but there’s nothing I can do so why care?”
I know this is really bad. I feel horrendously guilty about it. However, I know other people feel the same too when I feel crap for exmple the friend that walked out of my flat the minute my back was turned as they couldn’t deal with it.
It struck a chord in me and I felt really hurt at the time.
As much as I have wanted to die at times, sometimes you just want to be saved.
When did everyone get so cynical? When did I?
I’m not phased by death, not in the job that I have been doing. I came to realise people die and as a health worker unless you worked with them for a long time it’s just another person. You know that the people they have touched will be devastated but at the end of the day death is a part of life, it happens, what’s another person?
When I go I know I will not leave a big gap in the world where I have been, that’s ok I never aimed to make a mark. I am just another person among billions of others, really quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
I’m not suicidal. Well apart from maybe in my dreams but I can’t choose them.
Think I’ve got to a point where I don’t think I would tell anyone if I was. I’d just like to go quietly. I know I can’t be saved. In any sense of the world. Ok the inevitable can be postponed but it is an inevitability that I will at some point die, and the way things are going it will probably be by suicide. I accept that. My mate joked “If you hang yourself can I come to your suicide” Guess that is very telling. It was a joke and it was funny- her Mum didn’t think so. I am glad the person who made it realises it is a possibility and won’t be too shocked if it does happen.
I know I love people and am loved in return.
At the end of the day it doesn’t make any difference.
We all die.