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Crying From Nowhere

Posted Nov 13 2009 10:01pm

Crying From Nowhere

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Things can get really weird during the journey with this illness. Last night I just started crying for no reason.  There was nothing that appeared to be different.  I had a super great day and was enjoying it’s fortunate feelings.  Sitting on the couch, watching TV (nothing sad), and I just started crying.  The tears would not stop.  My husband kept asking what was wrong.  I just did not know.  He was so worried about me. He stayed with me and was late to engagement he had for the evening.  I just sat and cried. I ended up crying myself to sleep and waking up with a headache.

I feel better.  Not sure if it is meds, circumstances, past hurts, or just plain life.  I am a bit overwhelmed with the holidays coming.  I do not want to shop.  Another weird thing has happened.  Since I have been in this depression, I have not wanted to shop at all.  That is a huge switch from my manic-have-to-buy-everything position I find myself in.  Especially this time of the year.  With every advertisement I feel called to break out the plastic and buy stuff I can’t afford.  Now, I have to buy gifts for my family and I do not want to even ride by a crowded store.  I think I am going to do my shopping on-line.  I went to the mall, stayed there ten-minutes and left.  I don’t like crowds and I get frustrated waiting in line or for a sales person to get me the size I need.  I am just not going to push myself to do something that might cause me to go backwards.

So, I know I am a bit overwhelmed.  I guess I did not realize how much until I started crying.  I was like a water faucet.  Not only does the having to buy gifts worry me, it is having to go to parties, dinners, etc.  This has been a BAD depression.  When I get this bad I stay in my house most of the time.  I know getting out will help me heal somewhat, but getting out too much overwhelms me.  I guess I will be picking what is important and go to that.  I will just have to decline all the other invitations.

I am accepting things as they are.

Things can get really weird during the journey with this illness. Last night I just started crying for no reason.  There was nothing that appeared to be different.  I had a super great day and was enjoying it’s fortunate feelings.  Sitting on the couch, watching TV (nothing sad), and I just started crying.  The tears would not stop.  My husband kept asking what was wrong.  I just did not know.  He was so worried about me. He stayed with me and was late to engagement he had for the evening.  I just sat and cried. I ended up crying myself to sleep and waking up with a headache.

I feel better.  Not sure if it is meds, circumstances, past hurts, or just plain life.  I am a bit overwhelmed with the holidays coming.  I do not want to shop.  Another weird thing has happened.  Since I have been in this depression, I have not wanted to shop at all.  That is a huge switch from my manic-have-to-buy-everything position I find myself in.  Especially this time of the year.  With every advertisement I feel called to break out the plastic and buy stuff I can’t afford.  Now, I have to buy gifts for my family and I do not want to even ride by a crowded store.  I think I am going to do my shopping on-line.  I went to the mall, stayed there ten-minutes and left.  I don’t like crowds and I get frustrated waiting in line or for a sales person to get me the size I need.  I am just not going to push myself to do something that might cause me to go backwards.

So, I know I am a bit overwhelmed.  I guess I did not realize how much until I started crying.  I was like a water faucet.  Not only does the having to buy gifts worry me, it is having to go to parties, dinners, etc.  This has been a BAD depression.  When I get this bad I stay in my house most of the time.  I know getting out will help me heal somewhat, but getting out too much overwhelms me.  I guess I will be picking what is important and go to that.  I will just have to decline all the other invitations.

I am accepting things as they are.

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