Controlling a manic episode

When I get like that, I force my self to slow down and take one little step at a time, and try very hard not to isolate. It's important to remember that your girlfriend and your friends care about you and want to be supportive of you (I'm assuming). You really need people more than you think at this time.

I also use a technique like mindfulness to try to pay attention to everything I do, being very aware of my behavior and feelings. I don't take a mood stabilizer anymore, only an antidepressant, so I have to be very careful of my manic episodes. It sounds to me like you're having , which I think can be one of the most frustrating aspects of bipolar disorder.

 I'm glad to see you've contact your psychiatrist, you may need to change your meds. I find another frustrating aspect of BD is finding the right med cocktail, but it can be done. Be aware that it can take up to 4 weeks to notice a change with new meds, even more frustation, I know.

 Hang in there.

I isolate because part of my episode is extreme, extreme anger. Anger so focused that I have been in arguments with previous girlfriends that ended the relationship right then and there. Thats why i stay away from my girlfriend. Maybe I shouldnt isolate from friends. That sounds good.

But I'm glad you brought up the "cocktail" I feel like a guinea pig! I take lithium, lamictal, welbutrin, and kolanopin... yikes. Does that seem normal? I am afraid it is effecting my memory as I try to study for business school.  

I can understand the anger issue, I have a similar problem, but not to that extreme, and I can see why you'd want to stay away from your girlfriend. Just be sure to be honest with her and help her understand it's not her fault.

 As far as "normal" goes with the meds, it seems to me (I'm no doctor!) that you have some duplicates there. There's a great website called that has good honest info about meds. I've been on many different combos over the past years, including all of the ones you mentioned except klonapin. My psych only likes to change one med at a time so he can tell what's doing what, I really respect him. If you're not comfortable with your psych, or you're not able to communicate with him well, you might want to change. Also, a good therapist or counselor can be invaluable. I've had some docs in the past that just seemed to throw a bunch of meds at me just to drug me.  There was one point when I was on 8 different meds at a time, I checked myself into the hospital, detoxed, and then started all over - one at a time. Right now I only take an antidepressant, but like I've said, my symptoms (other than my depression) have become relatively stable, although there's no telling how long that will last.

I'd like to say otherwise, but it is highly possible that your meds can affect your memory or your ability to concentrate. Be sure to let your psych know of your concerns. On the other hand, I've known many people who have gone through college/uni with little or no struggle. Most schools should offer some kind of disability program where you may be able to get extra time for assignments. After all, it is a legitimate illness, not a defect.

Thank you, Sheri.

Today has been better but I can feel it in the back of my mind waiting to come out. I'll try and stay calm!

 Best, 

Oh one more question. My GF went out of town last minute to go to the emmys (long story). I was upset about this for numerous reasons (one being we only see each other on the weekends). This caused me to get pretty distraught. I forced myself to say "have a good time" as I know that was the right thing to do, but, inside I was upset. I had been down about other things things but this seemed tip everything over into a manic episode. I became angry, sad, nutty...all your typical symptoms. I avoided speaking to her the whole three days. I know I was unnaturally upset because of the mania.

 My questions: KNOWING you are in a manic state, or coming out of one, do you still incorporate with others? With the anger still lingering do I accept an invitation to a ball game this evening with my GF and her coworkers knowinig I could be in an upset / awkward state of mind? 

Second: How long do these last? Its been almost 4 or 5 days for me, though, I was suffering from depression for a month before that. Talkinig to doc friday but I'd like to know your experience with any of this.  

Let me answer the second question first, it's easier - there is no set time for a manic episode, it can vary from person to person. If you feel like you're coming out of it, then you probably are, just be careful about your triggers. That's the biggest thing for me, knowing what my triggers are. If they're unavoidable (like perhaps going to the ball game), knowing beforehand puts you ahead of the game. If it were me, I would go, but be very mindful of my behavior. I do that by trying to think before I speak, or at least talking slower.

I have walked away from a volatile situation to avoid the anger issues, but in this case since you probably won't be able to leave (or can you take a taxi home if you need to?), at least you could go for a very fast walk, paying attention to your breathing and slowing both down eventually. I also use a lot of self-talk - "it's ok," "this will pass," "I can be calm," etc.

Do you think it might be helpful to say something to your girlfriend like "Your going away affected me more than I expected it to. I'm still feeling a little upset about it, but don't want to do or say anything that would hurt you. I'd love to go to the game with you, but I'd rather leave if I need to than get into an argument."

I agreed to go to the game. I figured it was the right thing to do. I suppose I can just take a walk if things get bad but my mood started switching on me a couple hours ago. My hands started shaking but I think that is a normal side effect of the Lithium.

I don't want to tell her how I am feeling for acouple reasons. To begin, I have told her about my condition, she has seen me very sick in the past. I stopped telling her about the episodes to spare her the trouble. There is only so much a person can take, and she is not a professional.

I also can't trust what comes through my mouth or my actions at the moment. I have feeling I am going to remain mostly to myself and hope I dont say anything out of impulse. I have a way of being very mean. Im trying to control it. It only comes out when I am being manic. So we'll see. Im very nervous about this.

Also, 

sometimes I become so introverted that I come off as "weird" or "strange." I will be with her coworkers so I am especially worried.

Maybe it's my age (I'm 53), or maybe it's my lifetiime of experience with mental health, but I have learned that I can't worry about what other people think of me. I am who I am, "looniness" and all. I met a man about 3 years ago, that loves me unconditionally. I told him up front about my mental illness, as much as I could, because I didn't want any shocks. I didn't want to fall in love and then have someone say "whoops, never mind, you're too crazy for me." I'm very lucky to have found someone like this, but I also know that he's not the only human being in the world like this.

 Be yourself, do the best you can, if you screw up, then try to think "oh well, maybe next time I can learn from this and do better." If someone stops loving you because of your mental illness, then that person wasn't the right one to begin with.

I'm going to be away from my computer for about an hour, but if I can be of any more help or support, let me know and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Sheri,

 The ball game went fine. I felt odd but made it. I spoke with my psychiatrist and he told me we needed to "think outside the box." Which, hopefully, doesnt mean "I dont know what to do with you." 

 I have a question. My girlfriend invited to go out with her and two of her friends this evening. She is older than I am, as are her friends. That makes me feel out of place to begin with, but, coupled with the craziness going on in my head, I couldn't possibly do it. 

Ive been acting weird. I think shes picking up on it. I am not sure if I should tell her what is happening to me. How much do you really let someone know?  

I'm sorry I didn't see this until today, I've been very busy. I'm glad the game went well, and glad to hear from you again.

I may have mentioned before, I'm always pretty up front about my bipolar disorder. When I met my boyfriend and knew he was going to be important to me, I told him about it. I didn't want to fall in love with someone and then have the rug pulled out from under me when something went wrong and he couldn't handle it. I figure if someone decides they don't want to love me or be my friend because of my illness, that's their problem, not mine. It would be good to be able to direct her to a couple sources where she could get questions answered that you may not be comfortable answering. There are so many good resources on line. Also, try to talk about it in a positive way, if that's possible for you. What I mean is, you could say "XYZ happens when I have a manic episode, but this is what I do to control or alleviate the symptoms."

How much information I give out to a person depends on the situation. Some people don't need to know at all, some just the basics, and some the whole thing.

Take care.

Oh my goodness- you sound so like me it's unreal. The mood can swing so drastically can't it? I always feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole like you say. 

I'd get yourself to the GP/psychiatrist if you haven't already and I reckon they'd either try another mood stabiliser or add an anti-psychotic drug (not as scary as it sounds). I think this is the most positive move you can make right now.

I also struggle with extreme anger and I think you're doing the right thing in distancing yourself right now, but only if your GF is completely aware of why you do this and how you are right now. If she really cares about you, you will not be being a pain or causing her bother- she will want to be able to help and support you all she can.

I hope you have other people you can rely on too for support right now.

Hope things get better soon.