I am no stranger to Churchill's black dog. So much so, that when a friend of mine suggested his quote "Going through hell" for this blog, I leapt at it.
Lately, his black dog has been my constant companion, staying with me during the day, eating my meals with me, watching over my shoulder when I relax with the TV, music or a book. Holding me tight, like a lover, when i try to fall asleep.
i am held deep in it's clutches, and it is slowly destroying me, not allowing me to come up for air. i cannot breathe, the life force of me, my very essence, body and soul are being sucked dry. I fight, I keep fighting, but deep down I am more afraid than I have been in a very long time, that I won't be able to fight much longer, and will slip completely into it's grasp.
Somehow I always knew that it would win, that it would win during September 2008 and September 2010. And thus, I wonder, at 4 am in the morning, with a pitch black sky, rain and no stars, if what the Ancient Greeks and Romans believed was true. That our destinies are set in stone from the moment we draw our first breath coming out of the womb.
Or maybe Shakespeare had it right in Julius Caesar- which ironically was the my first thought in naming this blog....
"Men are Masters of their fates, The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, But in ourselves, That we are the underlings"