Chair Day

My last day off. I've spent the day mostly sitting in this chair. I did help Lucy pack up some of her toys and clothes this morning for a local Haiti releif collection. She was very generous with her stuffies :) I'm proud of her. When I get the others home from school I'll encourage them to do the same.

Brad is off to work for his 'afternoon shift' and doesn't get home till 11pm. I really hate doing the single parent thing in the evenings. It feels so overwhelming sometimes. Especially when I have no energy. Listen to me....I'm going to have to rename this blog to something like Bitching & Bananas. Everything sounds pretty negative. But that's the way I feel so I'm not going to apologize for it.

I think my lack of energy the past few days is starting to really bug my hubby. I feel like I can't talk to him about the way I feel because he gives off these 'I'd rather not hear about it' vibes. Which makes me feel very alone. There really isn't one person in my life I feel comfortable opening up to. I know my mom is always willing to listen, and I'm grateful for that, but usually I only open up to here when I REALLY am in a bad way and need her. Other times I feel like I need to save her the burden. My sister's suicide in the '80's plays a role in this. For me it's all about protecting her from 'going there' again. Yet I know she knows I struggle, and that I put on a front more times than not.

She also has my brother to worry about over on the Mainland. He was hospitalized for Depression a few weeks ago and is now recovering at home. I don't want to give her any more, expecially seeing as she's still laid up with her back and has lots of time to think. It's amazing that SHE's not prone to Depression with all she's been through. But she's a rock is my mother, and for that I thank God. I guess the bad stuff's all in the men's genes that got passed down. My father, and my other siblings father (the first 4 sibs had one dad and I had the next).

Anyway, things could be worse! Much Worse! I could be a fish for example! Anyway, time to go round up the kidlings...